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Tag Archives: Newser

Newsfail Quick Hits (December 2017)

4 Dec

December 4, 2017

The news media is a huge industry. Think of all the stories that appear in all the newscasts, all the websites, all the print media, etc etc etc. Not every story will make perfect sense, nor will every story be well-written or even get to the heart of the matter. Here are a few quick examples.

Let Go is like eBay, except that it doesn’t involve shipping. It is up to the parties involved to coordinate an exchange. In other words, it is a site where strangers set up meetings where one brings money and the other may or may not kill them for that money. What can possibly go wrong? I think that’s the real story here.

 

Star WARS.
The Force is from Star Wars, not Star Trek.

By now you’d think a writer working on a major New York newspaper and reporting on entertainment and media would know the difference. That’s a total fail.

 

This next one is not really a failure. In fact, this may be very clever. 

The article doesn’t mention where or how she was smuggling the baloney until the second paragraph, where it also contains the phrase “sausage smuggling,” which is probably not something you should google from work. 

By the way, she hid bologna under the floor mats of her car. I have no idea what you may have been thinking.

 

So how many times did she give birth outside the US?

 

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Imponderable #136: Pooper!

23 Oct

October 23, 2017

Let’s say you’re out for your regular morning jog. You’re a healthy person. You exercise and eat right. You take vitamins and keep a healthy daily routine. But those beans you ate the night before aren’t sitting right. Maybe they were under cooked. Maybe the sauce was past its expiration date. Too bad you are so far from home. Good thing you brought your toilet paper with you.

Or maybe you’re just a disgusting human being.

Click to enlarge and read my hilarious commentary

Yup, a woman in Denver has been serially pooping on people’s lawns. Like a dog would. Except that a dog’s owner would clean it up.

This isn’t a one-time thing. This isn’t someone who had an unforeseen gastrointestinal episode. This is a crappy human being (pun intended) who plans this as part of her routine. She brings toilet paper with her. And the biggest sign this is intentional? She ignores the nearby public restrooms. 

I realize that public toilets are often cesspools but there are some parts of the world where people take toilets very seriously.

Why would anyone in their right minds intentionally drop their drawers and publicly poop on other people’s property?
The question is Imponderable. Even for Sherlock Holmes.

 

 

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