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The Great Mailman Fake-Out Make-Out

5 May

May 5, 2017

Quick! Who are the randiest civil servants?
Mailmen! They always bring their packages special delivery.

BA DA BOOM!

Not funny you say? Maybe not, but it’s true! Check this out!

Let’s do some math! 1,300 kids / 87 years = 14.9 kids per year. Of course that’s assuming he started fathering kids right out of the womb. So let’s say he started at 18. That’s 1,300 kids / 69 years = 18.8 kids per year. Wow, busy guy. Kind of makes me look pretty lame. I was way, way below his rate of 18.8 kids for 2016, and 2017 is looking even worse. (My doctor keeps telling me to switch to boxers but do I listen? NooOoo.)

This has to be true, right? After all, postmen (INSERT YOUR OWN DIRTY “PACKAGE” INNUENDO RIGHT HERE.)

“I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60’s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played out real good with the ladies,” he explained.

“Some even thought I was Johnny Cash for real,” he recalls laughingly. “I don’t know if they really believed it or if they were trying to convince themselves, but who was I to say no to a quickie?” he acknowledged.

Probably not Johnny Cash.

But seriously, it is true, isn’t it?

No, it is not. (Drats!)

Once again the truth gets in the way of a good story.

Click on the image of the famous mailmen below to read another story of a mailman with his own definition of a stocking stuffer at Christmastime.

Also, if you can stomach it, click on the randy gentleman below to read about Japan’s famous senior citizen porn star.

 

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Rise Of The Confused Food

28 Apr

April 28, 2017

There is a whole genre of confused food out there. People take perfectly good food and stuff other perfectly good food inside it. For example, the turducken. That’s a turkey with a duck stuffed inside it and a chicken stuffed inside of the duck. Sounds good, right? RIGHT??? Nah, it sounds awful. Who came up with the idea of eating a chicken rogering a duck while it’s rogering a turkey? That’s just wrong.

But it gets worse. Take, for example, Pizza Pops.

Is it pizza? Is it a pop? No, it is neither. It is a Jamaican beef patty stuffed with poutine.

Just what you expected, right? RIGHT???

Poutine is a Canadian food but don’t hold that against it. It’s French fries, which are as American as pizza, covered in gravy, which Americans drown everything in, and cheese, which Americans spell cheez. It actually sounds pretty good. But why oh why stuff it in a pastry? Who thought “I really like this poutine but it would be so much better if it was stuffed inside something?”

And to top it off, Pillsbury has the nerve to call this poutine-filled Jamaican beef patty a “pizza pop.” From what planet is Pillsbury beaming this stuff to Earth?

Meanwhile, Taco Bell has made a whole industry of serving food stuffed inside other food.

THIS IS HOW CHILDREN EAT

Is it too hard to eat a plate of bacon and eggs and a hash brown?

Taco Bell is food for people who don’t like themselves.
Taco Bell is food for people who don’t like food.
I’m just going to say it. Taco Bell is awful. At its best it is embarrassing. I guess it is edible but that may be a matter best left to medical professionals.

I know there are plenty of people out there who eat Taco Bell, but there are also plenty of fully grown people out there who dress up like My Little Pony and get led around on leashes and they are making bad life choices too.

Meanwhile, in other vile food, Taco Bell is using fried chicken as a taco shell.

What is wrong with you people? Why would you eat this? What’s next- wrapping a T-bone steak around some low-grade shredded taco filling and pretending it’s haute cuisine?

And since when did chicken become bread? Here’s KFC’s newest “sandwich.”

What is going on here???????

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