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This Was A Bad Day. (Part 1)

19 Jul

July 19, 2016

It did not pay to get out of bed. It began with a sunburn and a ROTNAC encounter, continued with a dead car battery, and ended with me limping around due to a torn muscle in my left leg.

And I may have accidentally become a sexual predator.

It was a bad day all around.

The day began with high hopes. Saarah and I were selling some old things at a local flea market. We did the same thing last year and had a great spot in the shade of a big leafy tree. This year we were set up in a different place against a bright white wall. We started in the shade but after a couple of hours not only was the sun beating down on us, but it was reflecting off the wall behind us and we were getting it from all angles. I spent a lot of time fidgeting and trying to press as close to the wall’s diminishing shade as my belly made possible. But hey, if you’re making money, who notices a little sunshine and heat? Me.

Setting up our table, I had to go back and forth to my car through a crowd of people who were gathered at the entrance waiting for the flea market to open. Have you ever wondered who would line up for the opening of a local flea market in a churchyard next to an old trailer where most people are selling dirty rotary phones? It isn’t pretty. But it turns out there was a celebrity among them! Believe it or not, ROTNAC was there. I kid you not. (And stick around. I have a suitably weird story about him in the next part.)

Imagine this but with more boxes of old floppy disks and broken lamps.

Imagine this but with more boxes of old floppy disks and broken lamps.

Well, it was crowded and I had to thread my way through the people at the gate. As I was going out, I had to avoid a vendor coming in pushing a shopping cart full of used sneakers and boxless VHS tapes. (See what you missed? You could have gotten that boxless VHS copy of Short Circuit you never wanted.) Problem was, I was on the edge of a slope, where the sidewalk ramps down at an angle to the street. As I moved around the guy’s cart, I accidentally stepped off the edge, and just lost my balance so I stumbled a little to the right. Didn’t fall over, just tilted and quickly regained my balance. But there was a catch.

When I stumbled, my hand automatically shot out to try and grab something to catch myself, and it (there is no better way to say it, I swear) went right in between the buttocks of a woman in a sundress. Hard and fast. Went right up and in there. Pretty far up.

Uh oh

Uh oh

The woman let out a high pitched “OOOOHHHH!” I got my hand back fast as a flash and said the first thing that came to mind, which was “whoa! Slippery over here!” Then I kept on going like nothing happened and I wasn’t going to end up on the sex offender registry. I smiled at some random people as if to say “I’m a normal guy! Nothing to see here!” I somehow managed not to run like a scared rabbit. 

On my way back I came in through another gate.

And not long after, I had an encounter with ROTNAC, who may have muttered something anti-Semetic in my ear.

TO BE CONTINUED

Sigh. There's no picture in the world that can make this better.

Sigh. There’s no picture in the world that can make this better.

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Brooklyn Graffiti Update: Never Wipe Returns!

16 Jul

July 15, 2016

Beginning in 2010, I documented strange graffiti that was written across Brooklyn. Someone was spray painting “NEVER WIPE” or sometimes “I NEVER WIPE” on poles, walls, and construction sites. Even after it was covered over, it came back in 2015 as “NEVER WIPE 5.0.

never wipe montage

You can read the original 2010 post and the 2015 update for larger pictures and some background.

I was driving past the site of the 5.0 graffiti last week. I had been covered over again by more graffiti for some time but the city replaced the old concrete barricades with brand new, clean barricades. But they didn’t stay clean for long.

never wipe 2016

I don’t know who’s behind it, but Never Wipe was the first one to inaugurate the wall. I think it’s interesting that it’s still 5.0 and not 6 or 7.0 by this time. It’s hard to tell though, but if you zoom in there may be a subscript 1. This may be NEVER WIPE 5.01.

I haven’t seen it anywhere else, and I’ve been looking. If I find it anywhere else, I’ll post it here. If you see it anywhere, send in a picture and I’ll send you an official Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride pen. I only have a few left!

 

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