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A Tale of My Father: The (Almost) Burning Man

26 Mar

March 26, 2018

My father was a man who had quite a lot of stories, and I can vouch that they were true. Stuck in a rioting hoard of women on Black Friday, calling Macy’s to complain about their Santa at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, or refusing to take off in a small plane from the shortest runway of an airport high on cliff, he had some interesting things to talk about. 

This one is short, and though it happened long before I was born, it could have had a dramatic impact on my life.

When he was younger, my Dad-to-be and some of his friends took a road trip. The details of when and where aren’t important and I’ve long forgotten them if I even ever knew them. I want to say they were teenagers but knowing Dad and some of his friends, they were probably in their twenties but acting like teenagers. 

So they were driving and it was getting late and they stopped for gas. One guy got out and was pumping while Dad and the others took the opportunity to stretch their legs. Well, they guy pumping the gas thought it would be a hysterically funny joke to turn the nozzle on Dad and soak him with gasoline. And another friend thought it would be even more hysterically funny to chase Dad around the car with a lit cigarette lighter. 

You can see where this is going.

Almost, almost!

Natural selection nearly took a hard left turn that night but either Dad was a faster runner back then, or his cries of “what the FUCK are you doing?” got through this friend’s thick skull and Dad escaped immolation and lived to laugh about it later.

It’s a wonder I’m here to write about this.

.

 

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American Chopper 2018: Welcome Back?

4 Mar

March 5, 2018:

 

Well. I finally got around to watching the new season of American Chopper. You can’t call it a new show, or even a return, because it is EXACTLY the same as before. It is as if absolutely nothing has changed since this show last aired six years ago, except that Mikey has trimmed his mop and is now working for Sr. I guess they made up. Senior still has his shop and yes, Monkey Boy Jason Pohl is still there. Even Rick returns to OCC in this episode, in what had to be a made-for-reality-TV moment. 

And that was always the problem with this show, and likely will still be. It seems totally fake. Nothing rings true. Teutul Sr and Jr signed contracts for a new show, so this was obviously in the works for a long time. And of course the cameras are rolling in OCC when Sr decides that, despite not working with Jr in ages, he should give him a call and ask for help. Good thing the cameras were there! And somehow, just by coincidence, Rick Petko is free to return to OCC just when Sr needs him. Good thing the cameras were rolling! And somehow, an old bike both Sr and Jr worked on together pops up in Paulie’s shop. Good thing the cameras were rolling! No, no, I’m sure nothing was set up beforehand when all parties involved signed contracts. I’m sure this was all spontaneous, right? RIGHT?

There’s not much to believe here, and unless Paulie and Senior get into shouting matches, I’m not sure what the appeal of this show is. It wore out its welcome years ago. 

Two things I did like:
1- Senior saying that business is down. Yep, so far down he’s in deep legal trouble.
2- Mikey reading the script over one of Sr and Jr’s blow ups. That added a nice touch to a clip we’ve seen a thousand times before.

The show ended with a short package of things to come this season and yes, they destroy stuff for no reason. Wow, what wild men.

 

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