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Tag Archives: toilet

Men’s Important Announcements

10 Jul

July 10, 2018

Some families send out year end Christmas cards that list all the family member’s accomplishments over the past twelve months. Little Timmy got straight A’s in math, daughter Linda got engaged, Mom and Dad finally took that trip to France, things like that. Sometimes during the year they’ll even send out little notices, like Cousin Mikey getting his first Boy Scout badge or to announce the newest member of the family, a pet chihuahua named Waggles.

But what if men sent out notices for the things that are really important in their lives? The Editor’s and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride think one such announcement may read something like this.

It is with great pride and satisfaction that Mr. Ralph Hornberger announces that he has moved up from the center toilet stall to the stall on the right.

Mr. Hornberger had been headquartered in the center stall for the last six years, after making the move from the left-hand stall in 2012, following the departure of Mr. Archer of the accounting department. 

The rightmost stall, which features a triple toilet paper roller and newly installed insta-flush system, became available when Ed Rosen moved to a stall in the newly opened sixth-floor men’s room, which is nearer his office. 

Mr. Hornberger shares this proud moment with his wife, Belinda, daughters Stacy and Melissa, and son Thomas, whom Mr. Hornberger hopes will one day follow in his father’s footsteps and occupy the rightmost stall himself.

 

 

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Imponderable #136: Pooper!

23 Oct

October 23, 2017

Let’s say you’re out for your regular morning jog. You’re a healthy person. You exercise and eat right. You take vitamins and keep a healthy daily routine. But those beans you ate the night before aren’t sitting right. Maybe they were under cooked. Maybe the sauce was past its expiration date. Too bad you are so far from home. Good thing you brought your toilet paper with you.

Or maybe you’re just a disgusting human being.

Click to enlarge and read my hilarious commentary

Yup, a woman in Denver has been serially pooping on people’s lawns. Like a dog would. Except that a dog’s owner would clean it up.

This isn’t a one-time thing. This isn’t someone who had an unforeseen gastrointestinal episode. This is a crappy human being (pun intended) who plans this as part of her routine. She brings toilet paper with her. And the biggest sign this is intentional? She ignores the nearby public restrooms. 

I realize that public toilets are often cesspools but there are some parts of the world where people take toilets very seriously.

Why would anyone in their right minds intentionally drop their drawers and publicly poop on other people’s property?
The question is Imponderable. Even for Sherlock Holmes.

 

 

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