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DC Comics: Why Hasn’t This Happened Yet?

15 May

May 16, 2022

SCENARIO # 1

Superman saves Metropolis from a satellite falling out of orbit. He deposits the wreckage in Shuster Park, where he uses his super strength to mold the metal into a modern art sculpture.

Later that night, Lex Luthor lifts some fingerprints from the sculpture, and uses his evil computer to run the prints through every database on Earth.

Ten seconds later, a match. “Clark Kent is Superman!”

Shouldn’t Superman wear gloves?

SCENARIO # 2

Batman defeats Bane after a vicious slugfest in front of City Hall. Bane’s strength nearly proves too much for Batman, breaking several bones and covering Batman in his own blood.

Bane is taken to jail, Batman returns to his cave, and CSU arrives to examine the crime scene.

“Hey,” thinks one of the crime scene techs., “Batman’s blood is all over the street. I wonder…”

A few hours later, the tech runs Batman’s DNA and finds a match. “Bruce Wayne is Batman!”

Shouldn’t Batman clean up his own mess?

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Mr. Blog’s Tepid Gun Permit

8 Apr

April 8, 2022

YEEE HAW and Howdy, Mr. Blog’s Bucakroos! Why is your old pal Hombre Blog talking like he’s gone plumb loco? That’s because I HAVE! YAAAAHOOOO!

You see, Mr. Blog is about to go on vacation, and not just any vacation, Mr. Blog is on his way to one of those crazy southern states where gun laws are lax and the death penalty abounds! And I have to tell you, Mr. Blog is so excited about this, he is/I am talking about Mr. Blog/myself in the third person! How zag-nutty is that???

Yes indeed, I am excited because while I am in the largely lawless South, I am going to get myself a gun permit. Yes indeed. A permit. A gun permit! Take that, lawbreakers and criminals! Screw you, first and/or fifth Amendment haters, whichever is the right to bear arms Amendment. GUN PERMIT!

What? No, no, I am not getting a gun. Are you crazy? A gun? Those things are dangerous. And to tell the truth, I stay away from them at a respectful distance, like you would an angry dog or the Pope.

But a gun permit? Oh HELL YEAH! That’ll show them I am a man not to be messed with. “Hey! You Mr. Subway Mugger-Man! Yeah, I’m talking to you. Don’t come any closer, I have a gun permit!” That’ll show him the type of man I am. I am a man licensed by the government to have a gun! I am a possibly potentially Dangerous Dan Dude. “Yeah, I got a gun permit. Want to see it? Yeah punk, John Law says I can carry heat. So STAY BACK! I COULD BE A BAD MAN!”

Walking down the street late at night, who cares? I’ll let money drip out of my pocket like a leaky hose, no one will mess with me, I have a gun permit and I very well could be packing serious heat if I damn well wanted to, which I don’t, but I could, so stay back. LOOK AT MY GUN PERMIT, SKELL! Put on your glasses, fool, there is fine print at the bottom. I am responsible enough to be allowed to carry a gun and scared of them enough not to, but you don’t know that, do you? Do you?

007 has a license, I have a permit. SAME THING. Yeah, I am totally getting a gun permit. That’ll show everyone. I am allowed to carry a gun! Stay way back! Respect my author-it-tay! I may not have a gun, but I could if I wanted to, I am allowed! PERMIT!

Yeah, total tough guy here. Gun permit. I also have a dog license. Maybe I have a Rottweiler in my pocket too, want to find out? Yeah, gun permit!*

* Please Note: Mr. Blog will not be getting a gun permit. Signed, Mr. Blog’s wife.

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