Archive | random RSS feed for this section

Do Not Give This To Your Children (Give This To Your Children)

14 Mar

March 14, 2017

Watching TV is like watching all the worst in life. No, I haven’t been watching American Chopper reruns, I’m talking about commercials. In particular, I’m talking about commercials for medicine. They are so full of disclaimers and legal jargon that I’m not sure if I should ask my doctor or lawyer if I should take something. But if I’m diagnosing myself based on symptoms recited by a talking pink pill, I may have other problems besides an upset stomach. 

I was watching TV when an ad for Linzess came on. As far as made up medicine names go, Linzess is better than Prevnar 13, which they claim is a pneumonia medication but I think is really a planet where Captain Kirk fought the Klingons. 

Linzess is medicine for constipation and belly pain. Yes, it is for “belly” pain and not “stomach” pain. Hey, why use a medical term in a medicine commercial? Check it out here, from the official Linzess website, complete with a cute girl with a backed up dumper:

As I was listening to the commercial I heard a couple of caveats, which I highlighted above.

  • Do not give LINZESS to children who are less than 6 years of age. It may harm them.
  • You should not give LINZESS to children 6 years to less than 18 years of age. It may harm them.

What’s the difference?
Under no circumstances should you give this to kids under 6. Nope, not at all. Don’t do it.
You shouldn’t give it to kids between 6 and 18, but maybe, if you want to, nudge nudge wink wink. We won’t tell.

Why not just say “Do not give Linzess to children who are under eighteen”? Is it OK to take a chance with a 14 year old? It does sort of hint that you can give it to an older kid. After all, you should not buy off-brand frozen fish from the dollar store but people do it all the time. So why not take a shot with your kid’s health?

What is the difference between “do not give” and “you should not give”? 
The question is Imponderable.

This has been Imponderable #134

 

.

Advertisements

The Storm of 2017 that Wasn’t

11 Mar

March 11, 2017

FROM THE MR. BTR NETWORK NEWS, THIS IS A STORMTRACER SUPERWATCH SPECIAL ALERT!

Yup, that’s the way they handled NYC’s recent “snow storm.” They scared us so much the they even roused Mayor Boss DiBlassio into action. He canceled alternate side parking a full 24 hours before a single snowflake fell. It’s amazing what an unpopular Mayor facing reelection will do.

This was supposed to be a fairly short but moderately evil storm. It was going to come in fast, dump it’s load, and get out. (“That’s what she said!”) It was going to usher in gale-force winds and freezing temperatures. If you did not already have milk and bread you had better by golly rush out and get some since we were due for- hold on to your hat!- up to five inches of snow, meaning if you needed some milk you’d have to put on your boots first as you walked down the block to the bodega that seems to be on every corner here. So no, we weren’t expecting much snow, but we were warned of huge gusts of freezing wind, heavy, almost blinding snow, and periods of extreme icy conditions.

What we got was this:

Look closely. There’s some heavy frost on those windows.

And that was at the height of the storm. Later on it turned bright, sunny, and downright pleasant.

Normally there’s no point in making fun of inaccurate weather forecasts. It happens all the time. But what made this one special was watching the morning weathermen vainly and sadly cling to their forecasts. Mike Woods on FOX 5 in particular was lost and adrift. As the hours and hours went on with no snow, and he and all weathermen looking foolish, he desperately tried to come up with a reason- any reason at all, why his forecast still said 3 to 5 inches of snow and windy conditions at 8 am on a very dry and conspicuously snow-free morning. At one point he said that he could see snow on the radar but it must not be hitting the ground. The news anchors were ribbing him, he looked confused, and once again, the faith we don’t put in any weather forecast was justified. 

Before this debacle, the weatherheads were predicting an even worse storm on this coming Monday into Tuesday, with (they claimed) the possibility of a foot of snow. After this morning, the weathermen are walking it back with “the models are sketchy” and “we’ll have to wait and see.”

Good advice. 

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: