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Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines April 2017

4 Apr

April 4, 2017

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (Home of the Nearly OK Blog) would like to give a big hello! to Mr. Hector Duodenum of Decatur Georgia! Mr. Duodenum has been a loyal reader of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride since it’s inception in 2009! And although he died in 2013, his estate has yet to cancel his credit card and has not been late on a single payment of the Mr. Blog installment plan he purchased right before his death. Thanks so much, Duodenum family!

Today marks the return of a beloved feature not seen since 2015, Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines. How beloved is it? To this day, my Great Aunt Edwina still asks me if I am doing “that stupid answers thing on your stupid blog.” Well yes I am, Auntie! Thanks for your support, and good luck in that competency hearing next week.

“Why Groundhog Day is About Groundhog Day.”
Because a movie called Groundhog Day about Arbor Day would be really stupid?
By the way, if you go Newser right now you’ll see that they already changed that headline. 

To paraphrase Daffy Duck: It’s a great trick but you can only do it once. 
This brainiac made her parents proud by stopping about 20 fans in 30 seconds. And yes, she still has her tongue.
I am shocked that the world’s record was anything other than one since quite frankly, what kind of person would risk doing that twice? Or twenty times. 
With a tongue like that, I bet [INSERT YOUR OWN SEXUAL INNUENDO HERE.]

This one writes itself.
Is it any worse than what you usually find inside a can of Coke?

I wonder if they serve Coke there?
The grease is ruining his property? Imagine what it is doing to his insides. I think he may have some rot in his foundation. And his house too.

“Pudding Pops”? Is it “Pudding Pops”?

I hope it isn’t zip zop zubbidu bop. They really need to play this video at his trial. If they are going to try an insanity defense, this may do the trick

Thanks again, news media. These stories may not have been fake news, but we might have been better off if they were. 

 

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Is That Ian McKellen?

1 Apr

April 1, 2017

Sir Ian McKellen, in addition to being one of the great actors of our time, is also one of the most recognizable. This is partly due to his roles in a pair of hugely popular franchises.

As Magneto in the X-Men franchise

As Gandalf in The Lord of The Rings

So it was a surprise when, after sitting through Disney’s new, live-action Beauty and the Beast movie that I discovered that Ian McKellen had a prominent role in the story. He played Cogsworth the clock and the vast majority of the part was just voice-over work. I didn’t recognize his voice- in fact, I was sure I did, but I didn’t think it was McKellen. I thought it was either Leo McKern (better known as Number Two in The Prisoner and as Rumpole of the Bailey) or the guy who played Mr. Tebbs on Are You Being Served, an old BBC sitcom from the 70’s. Problem is, both men died decades ago.

And when the clock turned back to a human at the end of the film (spoiler alert!- oops, too late) and Ian McKellen appeared in person, not only did I still not recognize him but I was more sure than ever that he was either McKern or James Hayter (Mr. Tebbs from Served.) Take a look at Magneto above and Cogsworth below and tell me if any of you would have recognized McKellen.

Separated at birth?

Now take a look at the other men. Is it any surprise that I thought that it was either of them? I have to hand it to Ian McKellen. He is such a good actor that I was prepared to believe that it was anyone but him in the movie. Even a couple of dead men.

 

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