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Imponderable #135: Attack Of The Gay Baboon

6 Jul

July 6, 2017

If the news coming out of Africa is to be believed, it is a dangerous part of the world.

There are more, and I haven’t even mentioned the giant poisonous snails. So with all this in mind, read this next story and perhaps reconsider your travel plans.

click to enlarge

Gay baboon? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The issue here isn’t the baboon’s sexuality at all. If he’s happy then good for him. The problem is that he is sexually assaulting humans. And that’s an important point because it brings us to the Imponderable.

From the animals point of view, is sex with humans bestiality?
The question is Imponderable.

But no, no, we are not done with this story, not by a longshot. Because this is also:

The baboon has given all its victims anal cancer. That’s extraordinary! Sexually transmitted cross-species cancer!

So to recap, going to Africa may put you in danger of having your penis and/or panties stolen, running across a formerly dead hooker, losing your finger to an enchanted ring, encountering poisonous giant snails, and getting sexually transmitted simian anal cancer.

The African tourism board didn’t mention any of that!

 

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The Great Mailman Fake-Out Make-Out

5 May

May 5, 2017

Quick! Who are the randiest civil servants?
Mailmen! They always bring their packages special delivery.

BA DA BOOM!

Not funny you say? Maybe not, but it’s true! Check this out!

Let’s do some math! 1,300 kids / 87 years = 14.9 kids per year. Of course that’s assuming he started fathering kids right out of the womb. So let’s say he started at 18. That’s 1,300 kids / 69 years = 18.8 kids per year. Wow, busy guy. Kind of makes me look pretty lame. I was way, way below his rate of 18.8 kids for 2016, and 2017 is looking even worse. (My doctor keeps telling me to switch to boxers but do I listen? NooOoo.)

This has to be true, right? After all, postmen (INSERT YOUR OWN DIRTY “PACKAGE” INNUENDO RIGHT HERE.)

“I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60’s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played out real good with the ladies,” he explained.

“Some even thought I was Johnny Cash for real,” he recalls laughingly. “I don’t know if they really believed it or if they were trying to convince themselves, but who was I to say no to a quickie?” he acknowledged.

Probably not Johnny Cash.

But seriously, it is true, isn’t it?

No, it is not. (Drats!)

Once again the truth gets in the way of a good story.

Click on the image of the famous mailmen below to read another story of a mailman with his own definition of a stocking stuffer at Christmastime.

Also, if you can stomach it, click on the randy gentleman below to read about Japan’s famous senior citizen porn star.

 

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