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Gilligan’s Island Sinks

23 Feb

February 23, 2018

Reposting a personal favorite.

As reported by the Associated Press, May 5th 1981.

 

Originally published May 26, 2015

Here’s a news story you may have missed:

Howell fortune

Here’s the text:

VOLCANO ERUPTS, SINKS GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
Thurston Howell III Fortune Feared Lost

AP News Service May 5th, 1981

A volcanic eruption which sunk a small South Pacific island may also have sunk the fortunes of one of America’s most celebrated millionaires.

After weeks of oceanic tremors, scientists confirm that a volcano erupted on the island of Palu Makalu, popularly known as “Gilligan’s Island” since the discovery and rescue of the survivors of the S.S. Minnow shipwreck in 1978. The island is now submerged in the depths off the continental shelf.

Among the survivors was eccentric millionaire Thurston Howell III, who made his fortune in the stock market in the post-war era. He later founded Howell Industries, which produced everything from ticker-tape to typewriter ribbons. Although profits had been declining in later years, due to the changing of technology, he recently doubled his assets after winning a bet on the Harlem Globetrotters to beat their robotic duplicates, in a match played at his resort on the island.

A spokesman for Mr. Howell released the following statement:

“The rumors of the loss of the Howell fortune are greatly exaggerated. When the island sank, it took with it 55 trunks of cash and bonds, which Thurston Howell III buried on the island to keep it safely away from the constant misadventures of Gilligan. However, Mr. Howell has invested heavily in new technologies, and we are confident that his acquisition of controlling interest in Betamax tape and 8-track cartridge corporations will position Howell Industries for future success in the 80’s and beyond.”

The other castaways, reacting to the loss of their island home of 14 years, universally blamed Gilligan for causing the eruption with one of his silly blunders.

In a related story, scientists say the Palu Makalu tribe of native headhunters may now be extinct.

 

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Allan Keyes Found The Best Picture Ever!

11 Feb

February 11, 2018

Hi kids! Sorry I’ve been away so long, but things are busy as ever at chez Keyes. Wife. Kids. Diapers. Poop. Not to mention the kid’s diapers and poop. OK, I’m kidding. I’m not that old, I just feel that way.

The other day I was doing research on the internet trying to figure out why I’m not one of these new bitcoin millionaires. I’ve narrowed it down to the fact that I have no idea what a bitcoin is or how to get one.

But I did find THE BEST PICTURE EVER! It appeals to EVERYONE!

TRUMP SUPPORTERS: See? He’s not a racist.
TRUMP HATERS: See? He’s a HUGE racist!
TRUE RACISTS: HA! Look at that #$*(ing &%# in the hat!
WWE FANS: That’s The Reverend Slick!

In case you don’t know who Slick is, take a look at this, his official music video, Jive Soul Bro:

 

That picture of Trump may not change your mind about him but I think we can all agree that the WWE ought to be ashamed of itself.

I’ll end with some of my patented bad Photoshop featuring my favorite foodie:

Happy Black History Month!

 

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