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Imponderable #136: Pooper!

23 Oct

October 23, 2017

Let’s say you’re out for your regular morning jog. You’re a healthy person. You exercise and eat right. You take vitamins and keep a healthy daily routine. But those beans you ate the night before aren’t sitting right. Maybe they were under cooked. Maybe the sauce was past its expiration date. Too bad you are so far from home. Good thing you brought your toilet paper with you.

Or maybe you’re just a disgusting human being.

Click to enlarge and read my hilarious commentary

Yup, a woman in Denver has been serially pooping on people’s lawns. Like a dog would. Except that a dog’s owner would clean it up.

This isn’t a one-time thing. This isn’t someone who had an unforeseen gastrointestinal episode. This is a crappy human being (pun intended) who plans this as part of her routine. She brings toilet paper with her. And the biggest sign this is intentional? She ignores the nearby public restrooms. 

I realize that public toilets are often cesspools but there are some parts of the world where people take toilets very seriously.

Why would anyone in their right minds intentionally drop their drawers and publicly poop on other people’s property?
The question is Imponderable. Even for Sherlock Holmes.

 

 

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Imponderable #135: Attack Of The Gay Baboon

6 Jul

July 6, 2017

If the news coming out of Africa is to be believed, it is a dangerous part of the world.

There are more, and I haven’t even mentioned the giant poisonous snails. So with all this in mind, read this next story and perhaps reconsider your travel plans.

click to enlarge

Gay baboon? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The issue here isn’t the baboon’s sexuality at all. If he’s happy then good for him. The problem is that he is sexually assaulting humans. And that’s an important point because it brings us to the Imponderable.

From the animals point of view, is sex with humans bestiality?
The question is Imponderable.

But no, no, we are not done with this story, not by a longshot. Because this is also:

The baboon has given all its victims anal cancer. That’s extraordinary! Sexually transmitted cross-species cancer!

So to recap, going to Africa may put you in danger of having your penis and/or panties stolen, running across a formerly dead hooker, losing your finger to an enchanted ring, encountering poisonous giant snails, and getting sexually transmitted simian anal cancer.

The African tourism board didn’t mention any of that!

 

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