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DC Comics: Why Hasn’t This Happened Yet?

15 May

May 16, 2022

SCENARIO # 1

Superman saves Metropolis from a satellite falling out of orbit. He deposits the wreckage in Shuster Park, where he uses his super strength to mold the metal into a modern art sculpture.

Later that night, Lex Luthor lifts some fingerprints from the sculpture, and uses his evil computer to run the prints through every database on Earth.

Ten seconds later, a match. “Clark Kent is Superman!”

Shouldn’t Superman wear gloves?

SCENARIO # 2

Batman defeats Bane after a vicious slugfest in front of City Hall. Bane’s strength nearly proves too much for Batman, breaking several bones and covering Batman in his own blood.

Bane is taken to jail, Batman returns to his cave, and CSU arrives to examine the crime scene.

“Hey,” thinks one of the crime scene techs., “Batman’s blood is all over the street. I wonder…”

A few hours later, the tech runs Batman’s DNA and finds a match. “Bruce Wayne is Batman!”

Shouldn’t Batman clean up his own mess?

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February 2022 News Roundup

6 Feb

February 6,2022

I have only one story this month, but it is very important and may save your life.

I had just finished reading a very important article about Kim Kardashian’s cellulite world peace in the New York Post mobile app (their motto: “We’ll Send You Alerts On Whatever We Want”) when I got to the end of the article, the bottom, where all the clickbait articles are, and I saw this:

Mayonnaise? Not on the list.

Good thing I did! I spit out the bite of weed killer sandwich I was about to swallow because maybe weed killer is one of the three deadliest poisons I never, ever, want to ingest. Now I may be willing to take my chances with the fourth or fifth deadliest poison (and number 10? Ha! I laugh at you, great-tasting arsenic) but the top three? Hey, momma only raised one idiot, and she tells me I’m not it, despite being an only child. I’m not messing with one through three.

But the article begs the question, which deadly poisons do I want to ingest? Are there many poisons that it is OK to ingest, or at least not bad? If I had a hankering to drink a glass of toxic snake venom, is that wrong? Should I not do that? Could I have a slice of delicious salmonella?

Well, I’m sorry, but the world may never know since I never did click on that link. I was too busy trying to find out if that’s Peter Dinklage in the Beastie Boys No Sleep Till Brooklyn video.

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