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Game Night Will Never Be The Same

1 Aug

August 1, 2020

I’m on Facebook because, let’s face it, I’m just as bad as you. So as I was scrolling down my feed, this ad for a new game came by.

I did not click on that link. Last time I clicked on a random link it only took three minutes before some Ukrainian gangster stole my identity. For all you wondering, this is why in the summer of 2018 this blog suddenly became

Рік грошей містера Блогу, яким ви їдете (Rik hroshey mistera Blohu, yakym vy yidete).*

Anyway, it’s a game that let’s you play as your dog! I have no idea how that can be any fun at all, but that has to be tons of fun, right? RIGHT??? After all, just think of all the great things your dog does: 

  • sleeps
  • eats
  • poops
  • sniffs butts
  • poops
  • eats
  • sleeps

OK, I know what you are thinking, “Mr. Blog, come on. that’s your life. Everyday, to a T.” Well, yeah, you got me. Add in some night terrors and random sweating and yep, that’s my life. 

But now I can have another life, my dog’s life. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I don’t own a dog, but so what? Who doesn’t want to be a dog? Except, everybody, I mean. Don’t get me started on cat owners.

Well, when this game popped up on my feed I have to be honest and say that my first response was very funny but not particularly in good taste. (No, it was not a shih tzu joke.) So if you want to read the joke, you will have to run it through Google Translate. And if you do, don’t blame me. I warned you. It may be tasteless but it is funny….

Чудово! Тепер я можу нарешті стукнути цю суку по сусідству! (Chudovo! Teper ya mozhu nareshti stuknuty tsyu suku po susidstvu!)

I should probably warn you that my response was NSFW. I should have probably have warned you earlier but hey, I’ll just blame that on the Ukranian gangster again. Is it any better if I tell you that I meant “bitch” as in a female dog? 

Клацніть посилання та направляйте гроші в колишній радянський синдикат. (Klatsnitʹ posylannya ta napravlyayte hroshi v kolyshniy radyansʹkyy syndykat).*

* Feel free to run this through Google Translate too

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It’s Jake, From State Farm: Secret Agent

19 Jul

July 20, 2020

Everyone knows the It’s Jake from State Farm commercial. Guy is buying car insurance late at night and his wife thinks he’s  having phone sex. 

“What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?”

“Uh, khakis.”

Well, there’s a new Jake in town. They even reshot the commercial to insert the new Jake.

Actors get replaced all the time. No big deal. But this is a little different. The actor is clearly not the same guy. Now that can be ignored, James Bond gets a new actor all the time. But this is different. When he’s asked what he’s wearing, Jake leans out to the guy in the next desk and asks if that has ever happened to him. The guy leans back and says “all the time.”

It’s the original Jake from State Farm! He’s sitting in the seat formerly occupied by a different agent in the original commercial. 

They can’t both be named Jake. Obviously, “Jake” is merely a code name. State Farm is a front for some sort of government intelligence gathering agency. It’s obvious. “State,” as in The State, government. “Farm” is an acronym. F.A.R.M.

Agent Jake, from State F.A.R.M. 

 

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