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One Day in Metropolis (JLA Blog 1)

9 Nov

November 9, 2017

With the impending release of the Justice League movie, which I fully expect to be mediocre at best, I re-present my better, and more realistic, take on Superman. 

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August 15, 2014

Tourist: Look!

Man: Wha?

Tourist: Look! Up in the sky!

Man: Get outta my way, I’m walkin’ here.

Tourist: Seriously, look in the sky!

Woman: I think it’s a bird or something, I dunno, like an owl.

Man: That guy’s nuts.

Tourist: Look! In the sky!

Woman: Now it kinda looks like a plane. It’s just a plane.

Man: Jeez, I’m supposed to get all excited over a bird? This is Metropolis, try to not see a bird or a plane.

Tourist: It’s Superman!

Woman: That’s all? I’m late for my appointment.

Tourist: But it’s Superman!

Man: Let me tell you something about this Superman, pal. Maybe you wazzn’t here back then, but when Brainiac got a mad on and wanted to kill Supes he didn’t go to no Pittsburgh. He showed up right here and stood right in Shuster Square, daring Supes to hit him right in the kisser. Traffic was tied up for miles. Think I got to work that day? No I did not. Lost my job over that. And unemployment don’t take “lost my job cuz of Brainiac” and pay off a jackpot.

Tourist: But what about Lex Luthor, huh? Superman kept him from destroying the Boring Building.

Man: Yeah, but not before Luthor ripped up half the block. Yeah, Superman saved the Boring Building, but what about the Good Chops Diner down the block? They’ve been closed for three weeks tryin’ ta fix it up. My wife used to work there. Let me tell you, there ain’t no work there now.

Tourist: Well, ok, I’m sorry, but wow, look at him. Don’t you wish you could fly like him?

Man: Yeah, I’d fly away to a place where I ain’t got no bills. MetroBank don’t let you pay off your credit cards with Daily Planet coupons.

Tourist: Oh, yeah, I see…

Man: Yeah, great, now you see. You think about that while I’m on line for food stamps. See ya around, I’m late already.

 

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Top Ten Pumpkin Spiciest TV Characters

8 Oct

October  8, 2017

It is autumn and that means that it is Pumpkin Spice Season. Everything comes in pumpkin spice flavor. Coffee, bread, steak, arsenic, it’s all pumpkin spice! So in the spirit of the season, the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (Home of the Almost OK Blog) have gotten together a list of TV’s most beloved and iconic characters and rated them on our patented Pumpkin Spice Scale.

We’ve scoured your favorite sitcoms and dramas and picked out your all-time favorite and beloved TV stars. We then took the best of the best and ranked them from least to most pumpkin spiciness. Did your favorite hero make the list? Is the small screen’s greatest villain in the top ten? Let’s find out!

 

WOLF BLITZER: 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

PHYLLIS VANCE: 1 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

BARNEY RUBBLE: 1 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

THE SNORKS: 2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

TAYLOR SWIFT: 3 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

CAPTAIN KIRK: 3 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

OLIVIA BENSON: 4 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

PRESIDENT NIXON: 4 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

FRED MERTZ: 5 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

EDGAR ALLAN POE: 6 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

Did we leave out any of your favorite TV stars? We hope we listed all of your favorite television characters. If we missed any, please leave a comment below and tell us who you think are the most pumpkin spicy TV stars!

 

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