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Amos And His Last Stand

13 Aug

August 13, 2021

Before we begin what may be our last Amos adventure, an explanation is in order.

One thing I never do in this blog is lie. Everything I say happened, actually happened. I may exaggerate, I may highlight or downplay certain things, and I certainly write for comedic effect, but if I say something happened, it happened. And if I say something was said, it was said.

But for this particular blog, I am going to present, completely unaltered, and in his own, exact words, a story about Amos, by Amos, from an official report turned in on a case by Amos.

What I will present are pages 8, 9, and 10 of a ten-page report. Pages 1 – 7 and half of page 8 are irrelevant to this story, concerning a case he was working on and which I of course cannot present. The last paragraph of page 10 is also irrelevant, being specific case issues.

The background is that Amos was investigating an alleged accident where someone claims to have fallen down a flight of stairs. He was accompanied by the super of the building, whose name I have changed to Orson. Orson had been an obstacle, angry and uncooperative, even obstructing the investigation since it appeared that this accident may have also exposed a little scam Orson had going on the side. The events below happened just after the official part of the investigation had ended.

I remind you that the paragraphs below are part of the official case file of this matter, subject to subpoena and legal scrutiny at any time.

As our story begins, Amos is looking at Orson’s cell phone, trying to figure out how to email a video to the office….

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PAGE 8

I looked hard at the phone trying to see if I could do anything, but it was hard to figure out even though I’ve done plenty of email forwards as our office knows.

I then said OK, we’ll figure something out and we agreed on rescheduling his interview for another day. I then thanked him for his time, extended my hand in a handshake, and Orson left me like that for a good long while and he finally said, “we’re good.”

However, before I left, he asked if I wanted to use the bathroom which I really had to do. He then went down a corridor some 40 feet turned on the bathroom light,

PAGE 9

came back and said go ahead. I then went to the bathroom and finished doing number 1. I turned about to leave the bathroom and tripped and almost fell due to a plastic soap bottle on the bathroom floor on the side by the door. When I left the bathroom, I left the bathroom light on otherwise the corridor would be too dark to navigate.

On the way back I thought to myself not to mention this as I didn’t want to make an issue of it with Orson’s attitude. However, when I got back to the kitchen area, Orson walked past me not saying anything and went back down to the bathroom, thinking he maybe wanted to spot the bathroom light.

It turned out Orson came back with that plastic soap bottle (he must have heard me tripping) gave me a nasty look and went to the sink to rinse off the bottle. I then told him I didn’t want to make an issue of it but now told him I tripped and almost fell over that soap bottle that was on the bathroom floor.

PAGE 10

Rather than expecting an apology, Orson had the nerve to ask something smells and did I take a krap? (sic) I said definitely not, only did pee pee, flushed and that’s all. I was really taken aback!

Feeling quite upset, I felt I had the right to ask Orson friendly but firmly, is there a problem? He wouldn’t answer and said again leave. Not wanting any confrontation, I said nothing further and left! I really don’t know what Orson’s problem is, embarrassing me and insulting me like that!

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I repeat, that’s an official report.

Zipcar Sucks. Period.

20 Jun

June 20, 2021

Zipcar is a car sharing service in which you rent a car and pick it up at a public location, usually a parking lot. I’ve used them three times and it has been a problem every single time.

TRIP 1. There was no car available in my area so I had to book one a twenty minute ride away. I wasn’t too upset (yet) since Zipcar would reimburse me for the cost of my trip. So to be clear, I was taking an Uber to get to the car I rented. (Problem #1.) But when I got to the public municipal lot the car was parked in, it wasn’t there. So I had to take another, half hour, ride to another Zipcar even further away. And when I retuned the car to that location, I had a now 40 minute Uber ride back home. Convenient? NOT.

TRIP 2. I managed to book a car in a location only a short walk away. Sound good? Yes. Smell good? No. The car was filthy and stunk like someone had eviscerated an antelope in the back seat.

How did it look? Judge for yourself.

So I called Zipcar and they gave me two options. I could get another car, with the very minor caveat that the only other available car was in another borough, or I could run this one through a car wash and they would reimburse me.

Screw that, I am not doing their work for them. I shoved the trash in the trunk (let Zipcar worry about it) and drove around with the windows open. After only three hours it was breathable in there.

TRIP 3. Today is Father’s Day and knowing it would be hard to get a car, I rented one close by three weeks in advance. And two days before the trip, I got notified that due to an issue with the car, I was being switched to a car a half hour trip away. What was wrong with the car? I don’t know. I called customer support to complain and the guy on the other end, who was clearly simply reading from a script, informed me, through a thick internationally outsourced accent, that the car was unavailable due to, well, I don’t know. Unless the car really did have schmegma dripping out of the tailpipe, I couldn’t understand him. And that is not the worst part. That’s when I got to the car and it would not unlock. Since Zipcar has no physical rental locations to get keys they do everything over their app, including sending a signal to unlock the car. Oh, there are keys, they are just locked inside the car until Zipcar sends the unlock signal. And this car would not unlock. So I called customer support and they could not unlock it, and they had no one that could, you know, show up with a key and unlock it, and of course, this being Father’s Day there was not a single car available at all.

Yes, I called customer support and ranted and raved, and yes, I spoke to a “supervisor” (who may have been the same guy, I swear they sounded so much alike) and no, I accomplished nothing except I got to use “ugotz” on a recorded call, which has been a goal of mine for quite some time.

So, no I am not spending this Father’s Day with my family. SCREW YOU, ZIPCAR.

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