Archive | anatomy RSS feed for this section

Sure She’s Beautiful, But What About Those Pants?

27 Aug

August 27, 2020

You what I like about Facebook? No, really, I mean it. Tell me, what the heck do I like about that thing? I dunno.

Anyway, an ad popped up on Facebook and interrupted my perusal of posts in the very engaging and thought-provoking  Brony Costume Tips I mean Jean-Paul Sartre Critical Analysis group. It was a UPS ad. And being the kind of guy I am, I actually looked at the comments in a United Parcel Service advertisement.

Be honest- you didn’t notice that I cut off most of the text, did you?

The comments fell into two basic categories:

  1. UPS SUCKZ!
  2. That girl is hot! Who is she?

This was probably not a good spend of the UPS ad budget.

Well, like any good husband I’m terrified of my wife, so I didn’t make a comment one way or the other on the hot-or-not-ness of the girl. I also didn’t comment on the general suckitude of UPS, but that was just out of sheer not-caringitude. (Longtime readers may recall that I was formerly an English teacher, though you couldn’t tell that from the last sentences.)

But I kept scrolling through the comments as frankly it was more interesting than the Brony costume sewing advice I mean Jean-Paul Sartre debate I had been reading. And as I kept scrolling, more interesting comments came up. A debate began to rage about her pants. What’s up with those shiny rubber Hammer pants?

That’s all I want to know now. What’s up with those pants? It’s got to be some exercise thing, right? Like you work out in those really warm and heavy pants that don’t breath and you sweat a lot and eventually you melt the pounds away due to sheer disgusting body fluid loss?

What’s up with those pants???

 

 

 

Imponderable #138: One Man’s Emergency

13 Jun

June 13, 2020

As I write this, New York has yet to begin its reopening from the coronavirus. We are in the grip of riots and looting that are being committed nightly. We are also enduring the mayorship of Bill “HAHAHAHA I thought I could be President” De Blassio.

Through this people have to endure, though personal tragedy and heartbreak still occur to all of us. Take this man. This is a true story.

I was in Walgreen’s today, a pharmacy. I heard (as did everyone else in the back of the store) a man, calmly but loudly, discussing with the pharmacist a medicine he desperately needed.

“I need my prescription! This is an antifungal cream. I put it on my penis every day!”

Yeah. He said that out loud.

The pharmacist, in a much quieter, more discrete voice, explained that it was too soon to refill the prescription.

“I need it. I use a lot of it!”

How’d the guy look? Schlubby to be honest.  7 out of 10 on the schlub scale. Did he look like a man who would need antifungal penis cream? That’s for better minds than I to determine. 

Why would a man need so much antifungal penis cream?

The question Is Imponderable. 

Disgustingly, disquietingly Imponderable.

 

 

.

%d bloggers like this: