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Superman’s Justice Jogger! (JLA Blog 2)

14 Nov

November 14, 2017

Back in 2013, I featured this Super Powers toy. I guess the best way to describe it is to call it a walking easy chair for Superman.

I’ve seen the promos for the upcoming Justice League movie and I am disappointed that this didn’t make the cut. I’m hoping they are saving this for the surprise reveal in the film’s climax.

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February 16, 2013

jogger

superman-logo-012LOOK! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… it’s… probably just a bird or a plane. So where’s Superman? Lex Luthor has just stolen the Fregosi Emerald and he’s making his getaway down Bates Avenue! Someone has to stop him!

Oh, wait a minute, here comes Superman, reclining in an easy chair and drinking a nice warm cup of tea. He’s wearing a cardigan and slippers. Huh? How does he ever expect to catch Luthor now?

Oh, catch him he shall. For superman is taking it easy today, sitting back and catching up on some reading while pursuing evil in his JUSTICE JOGGER!

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Superman appears to be asking for some lemon for his tea. Wonder Woman is disgusted.

Yes, for those days when leaping tall buildings in a single bound just sounds like too much effort, and flying at supersonic speed is a lot of work, Superman whips out his JUSTICE JOGGER and chases the bad guys at a nice and sedate, moderate rate of speed.

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And hey- power stepping action! No longer will medium-sized rocks stand between Superman and rounding up the Royal Flush Gang. It even has a sun roof!

This looks like so much fun! Doesn't it? DOESN'T IT???

This looks like so much fun! Doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT???

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Wow- that sun roof is windup powered! And can you believe that the package says that Superman could catch Darkseid in that? Whoa, is there anything the Justice Jogger can’t do? Probably catch Darkseid, for one thing.

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This one broke down when Cyborg took it to Detroit and it was stripped for parts by a gang.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Vs. Dracula

14 Oct

October 14, 2017

The horror is all about us this month. The temperature dips, the sun sets earlier, the moon rises, and Halloween nears. Werewolves stalk the woods and vampires seek their prey. It is a good thing we have a protector, a direct decedent of Professor Van Helsing.

I am of course talking about the traditional foe of the undead, Gwyneth Paltrow.

In case you missed it, noted intellectual, nuclear physicist, and Mensa member Paltrow is selling vampire repellent on her website, the accurately named goop.com.

It’s a real thing, check it out. The ingredients include such well-known anti-vampire ingredients as sound waves, moonlight, and love. Now me, if I were selling a quack vampire repellent, I’d use sunlight, not moonlight, but hey, that’s just me. The vampire repellent handed down in my family for generations includes sunlight, garlic, and pure anger.

Now to be fair to the clueless Ms. Paltrow, this is actually made to repel psychic vampires, and those are much harder to defend against than the blood-sucking types. My old Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual says they deal 1d6 points of damage + 1d6 points of damage for every two power points spent. Whatever that means.

But if you are a fan of stuff like this, no matter what your brain issue, you can also find other awesome(ly expensive and ridiculous) items on her site like an energy-cleansing aromatic mister and a rose quartz egg designed to increase sexual energy. I appreciate the fact that instructions are not included online for that item.

Whether the vampires are psychic or blood draining, it seems to me the only suckers here are the ones paying money for this stuff.

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