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It’s Jake, From State Farm: Secret Agent

19 Jul

July 20, 2020

Everyone knows the It’s Jake from State Farm commercial. Guy is buying car insurance late at night and his wife thinks he’s  having phone sex. 

“What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?”

“Uh, khakis.”

Well, there’s a new Jake in town. They even reshot the commercial to insert the new Jake.

Actors get replaced all the time. No big deal. But this is a little different. The actor is clearly not the same guy. Now that can be ignored, James Bond gets a new actor all the time. But this is different. When he’s asked what he’s wearing, Jake leans out to the guy in the next desk and asks if that has ever happened to him. The guy leans back and says “all the time.”

It’s the original Jake from State Farm! He’s sitting in the seat formerly occupied by a different agent in the original commercial. 

They can’t both be named Jake. Obviously, “Jake” is merely a code name. State Farm is a front for some sort of government intelligence gathering agency. It’s obvious. “State,” as in The State, government. “Farm” is an acronym. F.A.R.M.

Agent Jake, from State F.A.R.M. 

 

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Quarantine All-Stars

22 May

May 23 2020

All of us at GOMALCO Industries care for our employees. You know us the company that brings you such housewares as Mrs. Anderson’s Industrial Nicotine For The Home, Do-It-Yourself Crime Scene Cleanup, Quik Baby Nap Inhalable Sleep Powder, and of course, Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

As part of our dedication to you, our valued consumer assets, we wanted to check in on the Mr. Blog Tepid Team to find out why the heck they have produced nearly no blogs this past year despite cashing their paychecks, those ungrateful  how they are coping with the recent COVID-19 situation.

We first looked in on the Editors and Staff, and assorted hangers on.

We tracked down BMJ2K “fan favorite” Norman Snackmunch. GOMALCO Industries takes no position on his lifestyle, other than to point out that as an at-will freelance employee we will not cover any health-related expenses, such as gastric bypass or an extra-wide coffin.

Another alleged favorite is Greg “Always Hammered / The Hammer” Valentine. As you may recall, he has not changed his facial expression in years.

Has the coronavirus had any effect on this man?

No it has not

Speaking of unhealthy guys who never change, we tracked down Mr. Know-It-All. It wasn’t hard, we just followed the smell.

Of course, not everyone is having a rough time of things.

I HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS!

How about the rest of our crew? Click on the thumbnails for more.

 

Allan Keyes could not be reached for comment.

GOMALCO Industries hope that you are doing well in these trying times. If you are feeling overwhelmed or find yourself in need of some help, please consider our line of GOMALCO Fine Wine And Sanitizer. Thank You.

 

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