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Fine Dining on the Subway

1 Jun

June 1, 2018

Ah, the subway during rush hour. The crowds, the pushing and shoving, the smells, the body odor, the homeless, the rats, the unidentifiable flecks floating in the air. Doesn’t it make you hungry?

Not me.

I really don’t know how people do it but I see it every day. Just yesterday a woman was sitting in a seat, crowded on all sides, with a series of plastic bags open on her lap and the dirty floor between her feet and from them she was taking the makings of tortillas, which she made and ate while the odor of the homeless guy across from her wafted through the air like mustard gas in World War One. 

But what is even more inconceivable to me, yet I see it more than a few times each week, is the bizarre phenomenon of people taking home pizza on the subway. 

Picture it. Rush hour. Crowds. People pressed together. And someone forces their way on the train carrying a large box that has to be held straight out and flat, taking up the room of two other people. It pokes the already crowded commuters in their backs and gets shoved and wrestled. This happens. I see it a lot. A guy gets on at Union Square in Manhattan and takes a pizza all the way home, 45 minutes, to Bay Parkway. Of course by the time he gets it home it’ll be cold, probably squashed, and it’ll have been traveling through the subway where the air has more rat particles per square inch than an actual rat. Appetizing! And worse, the part of Brooklyn he traveled to with the pizza has more pizzerias than you can shake stick at. There are a dozen within walking distance of my house, no lie. Why not wait until you get home and order a pizza? Fresh and hot! And untainted by the body odor of underground denizens.

So even assuming the pizza from Union Square is the greatest pizza in the known world, after being shaken and crushed on the train, and after getting cold in an hour of travel, and after being exposed to the foul air underground, how good is that pizza going to taste?

Is it worth it?

 

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Sneek Peek: Coming Soon! May 2018

10 May

May 10, 2018

It’s me again, Your Man Inside BMJ2k.com. And let me tell you, it stinks around here. The Editors and Staff constantly leave old tuna sandwiches laying around, and Mr. Know-It-All is still squatting in his office, despite not writing a word a word for the website in months. And with no shower around here, he’s pretty gamy. 

(Well, it’s not technically true that he hasn’t written a word in months. We find his bizarre political screeds scribbled all over the walls of the ladies room.)

But there is content to come! Coming Soon:

Mr. Blog returns to his favorite subject: pizza. Specifically, subway pizza. No, not the sandwich shop Subway, he’s talking about underground trains and pizza. Will the Pizza Rat make an appearance? No.

Mr. Blog also takes a look at sexism and tipping. And he’ll harken back (harken?) to some past experiences chronicled in this very blog to prove his point.

All this and floating specks of contamination, coming soon to Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

 

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