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DC Comics: Why Hasn’t This Happened Yet?

15 May

May 16, 2022

SCENARIO # 1

Superman saves Metropolis from a satellite falling out of orbit. He deposits the wreckage in Shuster Park, where he uses his super strength to mold the metal into a modern art sculpture.

Later that night, Lex Luthor lifts some fingerprints from the sculpture, and uses his evil computer to run the prints through every database on Earth.

Ten seconds later, a match. “Clark Kent is Superman!”

Shouldn’t Superman wear gloves?

SCENARIO # 2

Batman defeats Bane after a vicious slugfest in front of City Hall. Bane’s strength nearly proves too much for Batman, breaking several bones and covering Batman in his own blood.

Bane is taken to jail, Batman returns to his cave, and CSU arrives to examine the crime scene.

“Hey,” thinks one of the crime scene techs., “Batman’s blood is all over the street. I wonder…”

A few hours later, the tech runs Batman’s DNA and finds a match. “Bruce Wayne is Batman!”

Shouldn’t Batman clean up his own mess?

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Great Moments In Comic Book History: Darkhawk #27 (Marvel, May 1993)

16 Aug

August 16, 2021

With Marvel relaunching 90’s hero Darkhawk, I thought it was a good opportunity to revisit an issue of his first series, from 1993.

Darkhawk issue 27 is a team-up with the New Warriors, themselves a team created in the boom-era 1990’s. This is the second part of a storyline called Shattered Fates, in which Zarrko, a bald, paunchy time-traveling villain who is inexplicably dressed in the same green jumpsuit Dr. Octopus wears, has offered the heroes to go back in time and fix some wrong of their choosing in exchange for helping him in some vague plan of his to save the future.

Zarrko is a time traveler, much like Kang the Conqueror (who also wears green. Hmmm…) He is attended by his fearsome thug, Servitor. How fearsome is he? Check this out.

That slice of pizza never stood a chance.

What better way to show your power, your awesome might, to intimidate your opponents and forestall all defiance than to vaporize a slice of cold pizza that has displeased your master?

This is why Kang is the baddie of the next wave of the MCU and not Zarrko.

Darkhawk 27 was written by Danny Fingeroth, penciled by Tod Smith, inked by Chris Ivy, colored by Troy Sayers, and lettered by Bill Oakley. Pizza by Original Rays Pizza.

And as a side note, look how awed the heroes are in the last panel. I bet The Avengers would not have been one bit impressed.

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