Tag Archives: medical milestones

Do Not Give This To Your Children (Give This To Your Children)

14 Mar

March 14, 2017

Watching TV is like watching all the worst in life. No, I haven’t been watching American Chopper reruns, I’m talking about commercials. In particular, I’m talking about commercials for medicine. They are so full of disclaimers and legal jargon that I’m not sure if I should ask my doctor or lawyer if I should take something. But if I’m diagnosing myself based on symptoms recited by a talking pink pill, I may have other problems besides an upset stomach. 

I was watching TV when an ad for Linzess came on. As far as made up medicine names go, Linzess is better than Prevnar 13, which they claim is a pneumonia medication but I think is really a planet where Captain Kirk fought the Klingons. 

Linzess is medicine for constipation and belly pain. Yes, it is for “belly” pain and not “stomach” pain. Hey, why use a medical term in a medicine commercial? Check it out here, from the official Linzess website, complete with a cute girl with a backed up dumper:

As I was listening to the commercial I heard a couple of caveats, which I highlighted above.

  • Do not give LINZESS to children who are less than 6 years of age. It may harm them.
  • You should not give LINZESS to children 6 years to less than 18 years of age. It may harm them.

What’s the difference?
Under no circumstances should you give this to kids under 6. Nope, not at all. Don’t do it.
You shouldn’t give it to kids between 6 and 18, but maybe, if you want to, nudge nudge wink wink. We won’t tell.

Why not just say “Do not give Linzess to children who are under eighteen”? Is it OK to take a chance with a 14 year old? It does sort of hint that you can give it to an older kid. After all, you should not buy off-brand frozen fish from the dollar store but people do it all the time. So why not take a shot with your kid’s health?

What is the difference between “do not give” and “you should not give”? 
The question is Imponderable.

This has been Imponderable #134




The Man With The 140 Pound Scrotum: UPDATE

24 Jul

July 24, 2013

Last week, I brought you one of my favorite Imponderables, a story about Wesley Warren, who Belvedered and his testicles swelled, and swelled, and swelled some more, and ballooned up to 140 pounds. And in a twist worthy of Rod Serling, after he had them surgically removed, he was left with a one inch penis.



I can’t say I had much sympathy for the guy, after all, I was too busy laughing, but on the other hand, this really was a horrible, terrible condition, and I couldn’t fathom anyone going through what he went through.

And then I read this.


This is what passed for celebrity these days, I am sad to say. The man was worried he was going to miss the celebrity his 140 pound testicles brought him. Yes, he will miss being the freak with the giant balls who couldn’t walk more than thirty seconds because his inhuman nuts were too heavy.

I can only hope that he finds new celebrity as the man with the one inch penis. He may not love, sexual gratification, or dignity, but I sure hope this tool finds fame.


%d bloggers like this: