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Tag Archives: Cancer

Imponderable #135: Attack Of The Gay Baboon

6 Jul

July 6, 2017

If the news coming out of Africa is to be believed, it is a dangerous part of the world.

There are more, and I haven’t even mentioned the giant poisonous snails. So with all this in mind, read this next story and perhaps reconsider your travel plans.

click to enlarge

Gay baboon? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The issue here isn’t the baboon’s sexuality at all. If he’s happy then good for him. The problem is that he is sexually assaulting humans. And that’s an important point because it brings us to the Imponderable.

From the animals point of view, is sex with humans bestiality?
The question is Imponderable.

But no, no, we are not done with this story, not by a longshot. Because this is also:

The baboon has given all its victims anal cancer. That’s extraordinary! Sexually transmitted cross-species cancer!

So to recap, going to Africa may put you in danger of having your penis and/or panties stolen, running across a formerly dead hooker, losing your finger to an enchanted ring, encountering poisonous giant snails, and getting sexually transmitted simian anal cancer.

The African tourism board didn’t mention any of that!

 

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Your Daily Horoscope: November 18th, 2014

18 Nov

November 18, 2014

Your Daily Horoscope: November 18th, 2014

  • Aries: Today will be a good day to indulge your hidden desires, but not in public! That sort of thing is still illegal in this country.
  • Taurus: You will come into money today! A Nigerian Prince will contact you about transferring a large sum of money out of his country. Be sure to give him your social security number.
  • Gemini: The moon is in the second house. See loser? Even the moon can afford two houses, and you still live your parent’s basement.
  • Cancer: You will get cancer. HA! Just kidding!
  • Leo: Avoid using deodorant today. This will keep your boss from approaching you with extra work.
  • Virgo: Today will be a great day to email a Taurus while pretending to be a Nigerian Prince.
  • Libra: Today is your lucky day! If you’re hoping your wife will ask for a divorce, that is.
  • Scorpio: You might want to consider getting a cool tattoo on your face, just like Mike Tyson.
  • Sagittarius: Magic 8 Ball says: YES
  • Capricorn: You will meet a handsome stranger. His name is Jeph. You will dislike him intensely.
  • Aquarius: If you know anyone who is a Taurus, don’t let on that I’m just screwing with him about that whole Nigerian Prince thing, OK?
  • Pisces: Insert your own “Uranus is ascending” joke.
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