Tag Archives: warnings

Do Not Give This To Your Children (Give This To Your Children)

14 Mar

March 14, 2017

Watching TV is like watching all the worst in life. No, I haven’t been watching American Chopper reruns, I’m talking about commercials. In particular, I’m talking about commercials for medicine. They are so full of disclaimers and legal jargon that I’m not sure if I should ask my doctor or lawyer if I should take something. But if I’m diagnosing myself based on symptoms recited by a talking pink pill, I may have other problems besides an upset stomach. 

I was watching TV when an ad for Linzess came on. As far as made up medicine names go, Linzess is better than Prevnar 13, which they claim is a pneumonia medication but I think is really a planet where Captain Kirk fought the Klingons. 

Linzess is medicine for constipation and belly pain. Yes, it is for “belly” pain and not “stomach” pain. Hey, why use a medical term in a medicine commercial? Check it out here, from the official Linzess website, complete with a cute girl with a backed up dumper:

As I was listening to the commercial I heard a couple of caveats, which I highlighted above.

  • Do not give LINZESS to children who are less than 6 years of age. It may harm them.
  • You should not give LINZESS to children 6 years to less than 18 years of age. It may harm them.

What’s the difference?
Under no circumstances should you give this to kids under 6. Nope, not at all. Don’t do it.
You shouldn’t give it to kids between 6 and 18, but maybe, if you want to, nudge nudge wink wink. We won’t tell.

Why not just say “Do not give Linzess to children who are under eighteen”? Is it OK to take a chance with a 14 year old? It does sort of hint that you can give it to an older kid. After all, you should not buy off-brand frozen fish from the dollar store but people do it all the time. So why not take a shot with your kid’s health?

What is the difference between “do not give” and “you should not give”? 
The question is Imponderable.

This has been Imponderable #134

 

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Hello Happy To Read Consumer! Freshly Written Part Second!

26 Jun

June 26, 201

This blog is for Mac, who sent in the first two pictures. He is a huge fan of bad translations, as am I. Check out my first bad translation blog here. You should also check out Mac, an awesome musician, great photographer, and all-around terrific guy right here at his Facebook page.

Here’s his first picture, from a package of food I urge you not to eat:

hormones-fat-spit

I love the fact that they are so upfront about the spit. I am sure that a great many people base their dining options on the spit count.

Up next, Mac has sent in a travel advisory.

ENGRISH TRANSLATE ERROR

I don’t know what that is but it looks like a train station to me. Of course, for all I know that could be a sushi bar or an anime factory. Either way, I am glad that the sign was there to clear things up.

This next sign comes to us from this very blog! (Yes! Someone reads this!)

inconvenient tanks

They know something that I don’t. “Important reason?” “Tanks”? Something bad is brewing, but it is a comfort to know that the owners will be close in case we need them.

And is there anything more inconvenient than a tank?

And lastly, one more that I took myself but, unlike the one above, it has never been published here before. Behold! The debut of the Chinese menu fail!

buns

That just sounds wrong. So very, very wrong.

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