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Chance Encounters in Time and Space, Episode Three

29 Apr

April 29, 2016

chance encounters in space

Tonight: Doctor Phil Meets Sigmund Freud

Doctor Phil: Oh gee whiz, I must have got lost walking backstage after the show. Robin? Where are you? Whoa, too many burritos, I think, this fog is pretty thick. What’s that? Footsteps? Hello? Hello! I can see you but I must be hallucinating! Doctor Sigmund Freud! Golly doctor, wow, you were such an influence on me as a young man, ho boy, this is an honor.

Sigmund Freud: I have seen your program. (Punches Doctor Phil in the nose.)

phil black eye

COMING SOON: Hillary Clinton meets a pack of hungry leopards while wearing a meat-flavored pantsuit

 

 

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Willy Wonka Must Be Stopped!

1 Apr

April 1, 2016

The greatest threat to humanity is not ISIS, Al-Qaeda, or Cobra. It is Willy Wonka. He is a danger to all humanity and must be stopped. Like The Island of Doctor Moreau, The evil genius is conducting evil experiments meant to be breed new threats to humanity in order to take over the world.

WONKAS

Don’t believe me? Wonka does not even try to hide his evil ambitions. Want proof? It is right here on this box of everlasting gobstoppers, a box like any other innocent, innocuous box on store shelves across America.

gmo gobstopper

“Produced with genetic engineering.” It’s a freakin’ gobstopper! What genetics does it have? The main ingredients are sugar and artificial colors. Where are the genes? What DNA has been manipulated? It says “may contain eggs.” What is Willy Wonka doing to those eggs?

Wonka is very upfront about his plans for domination. Look at that box, a happy cartoon gobstopper with a mouth! Is that a clue? Are these things alive? WHAT GENETIC ENGINEERING GOES INTO A GOBSTOPPER?

For the record, after I read that disclaimer, I threw the box away. It was still half full.

 

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