Tag Archives: Johnny Depp

Willy Wonka Must Be Stopped!

1 Apr

April 1, 2016

The greatest threat to humanity is not ISIS, Al-Qaeda, or Cobra. It is Willy Wonka. He is a danger to all humanity and must be stopped. Like The Island of Doctor Moreau, The evil genius is conducting evil experiments meant to be breed new threats to humanity in order to take over the world.


Don’t believe me? Wonka does not even try to hide his evil ambitions. Want proof? It is right here on this box of everlasting gobstoppers, a box like any other innocent, innocuous box on store shelves across America.

gmo gobstopper

“Produced with genetic engineering.” It’s a freakin’ gobstopper! What genetics does it have? The main ingredients are sugar and artificial colors. Where are the genes? What DNA has been manipulated? It says “may contain eggs.” What is Willy Wonka doing to those eggs?

Wonka is very upfront about his plans for domination. Look at that box, a happy cartoon gobstopper with a mouth! Is that a clue? Are these things alive? WHAT GENETIC ENGINEERING GOES INTO A GOBSTOPPER?

For the record, after I read that disclaimer, I threw the box away. It was still half full.




The Late Night Movie House: The Lone Ranger Cartoons (1930 and 1966)

3 Jul

July 3, 2013

lone ranger toons


The Lone Ranger Movie starring Johnny Depp as Tonto and, in a very ironic twist, a wooden cigar store Indian as The Lone Ranger opens this week. As I predicted- and so did anyone else who saw the horrible trailer- the film is getting lame reviews. They range from “bad” to “good film to see if you are drunk.” For the millions of movie goers whoa re poised to ignore this movie and go see Despicable Me 2 this weekend, I present the little seen Lone Ranger cartoon from 1930. It is black and white, it is silent, and it is almost 2 and a half hours shorter than the lousy film opening this weekend.


Next, here is the not-quite-but-almost as little seen Lone Ranger cartoon from 1966.


Notice something? In neither cartoon does Tonto wear a dead bird on his head. I’m just saying…


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