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Tag Archives: food

Fine Dining on the Subway

1 Jun

June 1, 2018

Ah, the subway during rush hour. The crowds, the pushing and shoving, the smells, the body odor, the homeless, the rats, the unidentifiable flecks floating in the air. Doesn’t it make you hungry?

Not me.

I really don’t know how people do it but I see it every day. Just yesterday a woman was sitting in a seat, crowded on all sides, with a series of plastic bags open on her lap and the dirty floor between her feet and from them she was taking the makings of tortillas, which she made and ate while the odor of the homeless guy across from her wafted through the air like mustard gas in World War One. 

But what is even more inconceivable to me, yet I see it more than a few times each week, is the bizarre phenomenon of people taking home pizza on the subway. 

Picture it. Rush hour. Crowds. People pressed together. And someone forces their way on the train carrying a large box that has to be held straight out and flat, taking up the room of two other people. It pokes the already crowded commuters in their backs and gets shoved and wrestled. This happens. I see it a lot. A guy gets on at Union Square in Manhattan and takes a pizza all the way home, 45 minutes, to Bay Parkway. Of course by the time he gets it home it’ll be cold, probably squashed, and it’ll have been traveling through the subway where the air has more rat particles per square inch than an actual rat. Appetizing! And worse, the part of Brooklyn he traveled to with the pizza has more pizzerias than you can shake stick at. There are a dozen within walking distance of my house, no lie. Why not wait until you get home and order a pizza? Fresh and hot! And untainted by the body odor of underground denizens.

So even assuming the pizza from Union Square is the greatest pizza in the known world, after being shaken and crushed on the train, and after getting cold in an hour of travel, and after being exposed to the foul air underground, how good is that pizza going to taste?

Is it worth it?

 

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The Chinese French Fry Theory

26 Aug

August 26, 2017

This theory, like many others, began with my Dad but it was quickly adopted by me and for years I lived by its simple precept: 

Never buy food from a Chinese restaurant that serves French fries

It makes sense. It really does. 

  • If someone goes to a Chinese restaurant and orders French fries, it stands to reason that they are not big fans of Chinese food.
  • If enough people go to a Chinese restaurant and order French fries that the restaurant puts it on the menu, it stands to reason that most of their customers do not know much about Chinese food.
  • If most of a Chinese restaurant’s customers would rather order French fries than fried rice, it stands to reason that the restaurant has no incentive to cook really good Chinese food.

So in other words, French fries on a Chinese menu are an indication that the Chinese food isn’t too good. 

Ditto with chicken wings. 

Chicken wings with French fries is NOT a Chinese dish!

 

 

 

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