Advertisements
Archive | irony RSS feed for this section

I Say It’s Funny!

20 Sep

September 20, 2018

There’s an old saying that I firmly believe: If you have to explain a joke, it isn’t funny.

But the heck with it, I say. This post below from almost exactly one year ago is funny no matter what anyone thinks.

Back in October 2017, I took aim at the pumpkin spice craze, in which everything from your morning coffee to your evening laxative suddenly gets a pumpkin spice infusion every autumn. “So,” I thought, “why not give the ol’ Tepid Timewaster a shot of pumpkin spice? What could possibly go wrong?”

The joke fell flat, that’s what went wrong. And I blame you. Each and every one of you. All three of my readers, you are to blame. Because this is funny on so many levels that I shouldn’t have to spell it all out for you but I am going to spell it all out for you.

  1. I started with a ridiculous premise, ranking people on a Pumpkin Spice Scale. What does that even mean? How can you judge people based on pumpkin spice? It makes no sense.
  2. I wrote it in an over the top, US Weekly/Entertainment Weekly/People Magazine Weekly style and used silly graphics.
  3. I stressed that I am going to put together a list of “TV’s most beloved and iconic characters,” from “your favorite sitcoms and dramas,” and asked if “your favorite hero or the small screen’s greatest villain” made the list and started it off with Wolf Blitzer. Wolf freakin’ Blitzer, the boring old man who reads cue cards during thunderstorms on CNN. Didn’t any of you get where this is going at that point???
  4. The list then went to the incredibly boring (and not spicy in any way) Phyllis Vance from The Office, but at least she’s a legit TV character. At number three was Barney Rubble, a cartoon character, and he was followed by The Snorks. Is there any sense at all to this list? None that I can see. But it gets better. Funnier!
  5. Next up was Taylor Swift. Now T-Swiss may be my secret crush (if my wife is reading  this, perhaps you should stop reading this) but she is in no way a TV star, and I went out of my way to stress these are TV stars. OH HO! Mr. Blog has gone off the rails!
  6. Captain Kirk comes in next, but I choose the most ridiculous picture of him I could find.
  7. Olivia Benson, from Law & Order: SVU is only half a pumpkin spice ahead of Kirk. Why? How? I don’t know.
  8. President Nixon. ‘Nuff said.
  9. Fred Mertz comes in near the top because, I’ll admit, he cracks me up. He’s the only reason to watch I Love Lucy. The show should have been about Ricky and Fred. Period. But again, I picked the least funny, least spicy picture I could. He’s asleep.
  10. I ended the list of greatest TV characters with Edgar Allan Poe. A man who in real life died about 600 years before TV was invented (give or take a few hundred) and crowned him Television’s Pumpkin Spiciest Character.

I ended the whole shebang with a blatant plea for comments, for people to write in and give me their take on who the most pumpkin spicy characters on TV are. For the first time in years I actually solicited comments, expected the conversation to continue in the comment section, with people who, you know, actually got the joke. And did I get any? No. Not a single one. (I’m looking at you, Aunt Edwina. So now I’m off the Christmas card and blog comments lists? What did I do to you, except sleep in your garage for fourteen years?)

Now excuse me, I’m going to yell at some kids to stay off my lawn. And after that I hear some loud birds I need to shoo out of my tree. And is it me or is the sky too blue today? Dagnabit!

——————

October  8, 2017

It is autumn and that means that it is Pumpkin Spice Season. Everything comes in pumpkin spice flavor. Coffee, bread, steak, arsenic, it’s all pumpkin spice! So in the spirit of the season, the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (Home of the Almost OK Blog) have gotten together a list of TV’s most beloved and iconic characters and rated them on our patented Pumpkin Spice Scale.

We’ve scoured your favorite sitcoms and dramas and picked out your all-time favorite and beloved TV stars. We then took the best of the best and ranked them from least to most pumpkin spiciness. Did your favorite hero make the list? Is the small screen’s greatest villain in the top ten? Let’s find out!

 

WOLF BLITZER: 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

PHYLLIS VANCE: 1 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

BARNEY RUBBLE: 1 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

THE SNORKS: 2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

TAYLOR SWIFT: 3 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

CAPTAIN KIRK: 3 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

OLIVIA BENSON: 4 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

PRESIDENT NIXON: 4 1/2 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

FRED MERTZ: 5 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

EDGAR ALLAN POE: 6 PUMPKIN SPICE

 

Did we leave out any of your favorite TV stars? We hope we listed all of your favorite television characters. If we missed any, please leave a comment below and tell us who you think are the most pumpkin spicy TV stars!

 

.

Advertisements

Radio Time Warp

27 Jul

July 27, 2018

One of the strangest days of radio I’ve ever heard happened back in 1992.

At that time I was working as the supervisor of the stock and maintenance department of a large department store. That meant that I spent my days off the sales floor, in the warehouse area. Not only did I make my own schedule but I was able to listen to the radio all day. I’d put my radio on WXRK (K-Rock, 92.3 FM) and listen to Howard Stern all morning and classic rock all day. They’ve switched formats a couple of times since then but in those days Stern went on the air around 6 a.m. and went off the air at 10 but in reality his show ended whenever he wanted it to end. I was common for his show to run until around 11, and on one memorable occasion, to close to 1 pm.

I may still have this bumper sticker in a box in the back of a closet.

On this particular day, Stern’s show ended right about 10, which was always a disappointment since the longer he went, the faster my day went. But it wasn’t his choice: station management needed him to end on time since they had a whole day event planned.  It was the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Summer of Love and they planned to treat the day as if it was a day out of 1967. The DJ’s were going to pretend that it was really 1967, introduce “new” songs by artists whenever they played a classic rock song that they had played thousands of times over, and talk about upcoming events, like the new album by Country Joe and The Fish they’ve been hearing about. The ads, however, remained current.

The DJ’s generally had a fun time but in the afternoon it got surreal. Dave Herman (though I believe it may have been Pete Fornatele) had special guests in the studio. Of course, this being pretend-1967, both they and the listeners had to work overtime to suspend their disbelief. Because there in the studio were The Doors! Ray Manzarek! John Densmore! Robby Krieger!

You see where this is going? Sure, they had The Doors- the remaining members of The Doors. But without Jim Morrison there was really no point. He was The Doors, no disrespect to the artistic talents of the rest. Problem was, Morrison died back in 1971.

But this was pretend-1967, so Jim Morrison wasn’t dead, he simply missed the interview. No one in the band was quite sure where he was- he was back at the hotel, or hungover, or somewhere, someplace, any place but absolutely not dead. In fact, if he hurried, he might make it to the studio in time for the show.

Dave Herman asked them about upcoming projects, all of which came out 25 years before, and they all danced around the fact that the one member of the band people really were interested in was not there, they couldn’t address his death, had to pretend it was 1967, and just generally, awkwardly, talked about what they want to do in the future as if it not only had not happened, but how it would happen if Jim Morrison remained alive, since they had no clue he was going die in just a few short years after 1967. There was even a touch of black humor when they talked about all the things they expected Morrison to accomplish, wink wink, and speculated what it would be like in the future if anyone would even remember the Summer of Love in 25 years.

I didn’t understand it, then or now. Was there no one else to have on from 1967? No one alive? Flo and Eddie of The Turtles became K-Rock DJ’s a few years later, I’m sure they were available. Why did they have in studio a group, though iconic, which had a glaring void? No matter what they did or said, or how they talked about their music, they couldn’t gloss over the fact that Jim Morrison was long, long dead.

Rather than celebrating 1967, this interview mourned 1967.

%d bloggers like this: