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In Honor of the Great State of Virginia

9 Feb

February 10, 2019

It seems like the state of Virginia is in a state of chaos nowadays.

First, Governor Ralph Northam was found to have posed in blackface in his med school yearbook.

Next, his Lt. Governor, Justin Fairfax, has been accused of sexual assault and rape.

Then, Attorney General Mark Herring, third in line for Governor, admitted that he too had appeared in blackface at a party in the 80’s.

WTF is up with Virginia Democrats?

Allan Keyes was way ahead of the curve. In this post from 2016, Allan takes us back to a time when Archie Bunker appeared in blackface. And as big a racist as he was, even Archie Bunker was embarrassed to wear blackface. 

Thus proving that Virginia Democrats are bigger racists than Archie Bunker. QED.  

From November 19, 2016

keyes
Hey, I’m back!
Now I know, after reading that sentence, several questions come to mind:
-Where ya been?
-Who are you again?
-How quickly till you go away?

Anyway, the other day, Baby Girl Keyes (NOTE: Not her real name) was dressed very fashionably in an outfit that featured pants covered with all of the Disney princesses.

Disney Princesses

Awww…

She was her usual self, racing around as fast as her hands and feet could carry her, yelling like a lunatic (LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER!) when she went very calm and still. Which is never a good sign with her. Well now…turns out the kid took one of those diaper-bursting monster dumps that went all the way up her back and down her legs. But as I help her up to run her to the changing table (read: cardboard box covered in newspapers) the only thing I could really notice was all the faces of those Disney princesses were slowly turning brown.

Ewww...

Ewww…

It was hilarious – all these princesses starting to look like Archie Bunker in blackface putting on a minstrel show. (All in the Family season 6 episodes 14 and 15, Birth of The Baby parts 1 and 2. What, you thought I made that up?) In that episode, his friends at the lodge decided that it would be a great! Really Great! Idea to put on a mistral show.

Archie Bunker, noted racist, archenemy of George Jefferson, he who thought George Washington Carver was our first President’s butcher, even HE knew that putting on a minstrel show and wearing blackface was a bad idea. He was forced to do it or get kicked out of the lodge. And of course, this was the very night that his daughter went into labor so he showed up in the hospital painted and wearing a ridiculous sparkly suit even the Temptations wouldn’t wear. 

 

archie-1

archie-3

archie-4

fat-guy-in-whie-face-reverse-archie-with-balloon

archie-the-fat-black-rapist

blackface-bunker-disapproves

NOTE: These images are, of course, ridiculous, and if anyone is offended, just remember that this is Archie Bunker and if anyone was not a role model and didn’t deserve to emulated, it was him.

Plus, this is a post about baby poop and stains. Don’t look for political or racial discourse here.

But if you do, here’s your takeaway: Archie Bunker is now qualified to be Governor of Virginia.

 

 

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The Best Line Ever Written In All Of Star Trek

3 Dec

December 3, 2018

Back in 2015 I introduced you to The Worst Line Ever Written In All Of Star Wars (“space diapers.”)

Today I’d like to introduce you to The Best Line Ever Written In All Of Star Trek. And appropriately, it comes from The Best Film Ever Made In All Of Star Trek, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

(I’ll skip the spoiler warning as I’ll assume that you already know that Spock dies at the end. )

During the climactic battle with Khan, The Enterprise’s engines have been disabled and warp drive is offline. Khan, in his final act of defiance (“From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee”) has activated the Genesis device, which will wipe out anything it’s energy touches.

There’s some terrific writing in this scene, as the sense of impending doom is palpable. The Enterprise, flying as fast as it can, is swiftly being overtaken by the detonation and it is only a matter of minutes before everyone on the ship dies. This is driven home by Mr. Sulu, who was always  one of the more positive members of the crew. “We’re not going to make it, are we?”

Sulu looks at Captain Kirk, heroic and unstoppable, who during the course of the film discussed the many ways he’s beaten the unbeatable. Kirk, completely uncharacteristically, is sitting with his arms tightly folded across his chest, and simply looks at his son, David, a scientist behind the Genesis device.

David quietly shakes his head no.

There is doom, there is dread, and there is Mr. Scott, to whom Kirk had earlier said “Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or we’re all dead.”

It is a perfect Star Trek line, one we’ve heard dozens of times in the TV series. Scotty is a miracle worker. He’ll get the engines back online. He’s done exactly that in situations as bad as these many times over. It’s almost a joke. So when Captain Kirk tells Scotty he needs warp speed in three minutes, he’s pretty sure he’ll have them back in two.

But he won’t. And we know he won’t, because down in engineering Scotty is barely conscious and being treated by Dr. McCoy. We know but Kirk doesn’t. But Spock does. It is Spock who saves the ship, who sacrifices his own life. (“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one.”)

But Jim Kirk doesn’t know it. So when the engines come online, the ship goes to warp speed and everyone escapes certain doom, Kirk says the best line written in all of Star Trek:

“Bless you Scotty.”

Because we know it wasn’t Scotty. We know it was Spock. We know he’s dying, probably already dead. We see his empty chair on the bridge but Kirk hasn’t seen it yet. In the moment Kirk is blessing his miracle working engineer, we the fans are already mourning his best friend’s death. The line, delivered so thankfully by Kirk, is actually painful to us watching the film.

Alfred Hitchcock defines suspense as, in a nutshell, the audience knowing something bad that the characters do not. It is us seeing the bomb under the table while the couple slowly drinks their morning coffee, oblivious to the countdown. It is good writing. And it is also good writing with us knowing Spock has died while Kirk is praising the wrong man for saving the ship.

But Kirk soon finds out, and it’s when he calls engineering to congratulate Scotty, only to hear Dr. McCoy grimly say, in what is the second best line written in all of Star Trek, “Jim… I think you better get down here.” Followed by “Better hurry.” Kirk looks at Spock’s empty chair, and he knows.

The whole ending of the film, leading up to Spock’s death, is dark and portentous. It is heavy and funerary in a way Star Trek has never gone before. This one film is full of fantastically quotable lines, from the campy “Khaaaaaan!” to the subtle “how we face death is at least as important as how we face life. ” Star Trek II is well-written in the same way every single Star Trek film since 2009 has not been

“Bless you Scotty.” The best line in all of Star Trek. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, written by Jack B. Sowards and Nicholas Meyer.


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