Tag Archives: Cobra

Willy Wonka Must Be Stopped!

1 Apr

April 1, 2016

The greatest threat to humanity is not ISIS, Al-Qaeda, or Cobra. It is Willy Wonka. He is a danger to all humanity and must be stopped. Like The Island of Doctor Moreau, The evil genius is conducting evil experiments meant to be breed new threats to humanity in order to take over the world.


Don’t believe me? Wonka does not even try to hide his evil ambitions. Want proof? It is right here on this box of everlasting gobstoppers, a box like any other innocent, innocuous box on store shelves across America.

gmo gobstopper

“Produced with genetic engineering.” It’s a freakin’ gobstopper! What genetics does it have? The main ingredients are sugar and artificial colors. Where are the genes? What DNA has been manipulated? It says “may contain eggs.” What is Willy Wonka doing to those eggs?

Wonka is very upfront about his plans for domination. Look at that box, a happy cartoon gobstopper with a mouth! Is that a clue? Are these things alive? WHAT GENETIC ENGINEERING GOES INTO A GOBSTOPPER?

For the record, after I read that disclaimer, I threw the box away. It was still half full.




In Search of… The Roswell UFO Crash

3 Nov

November 3, 2010


It is the most famous UFO incident in the annals of extraterrestrial research, and it all began with a farmer who had to pee.

On the night of June 14th, 1947, a farmhand named William Ware “Mack” or “Mac” Brazel wandered far afield looking for a tall bush that needed some watering. Finding one, he also found some strange wreckage. Brazel told the Roswell Daily Record that he and his son saw a “large area of bright wreckage made up of rubber strips, tinfoil, a rather tough paper and sticks.” They were also wet, a fact which an embarrased “Mack” or “Mac” soon cleared up.

However, rumors soon started, rumors of a mundane explanation to the mystery of the odd debris. Headlines blared the discovery of an ordinary weather balloon. 

This set off a firestorm of controversy- what was the Air Force up to? What strange experiments were they conducting in the skies? Why were weather balloons floating over Rosewell?

Soon everyone wanted to see the wreckage- the scotch tape, the rubber bands, the tin foil and paper. So many people demanded to see the weather balloon debris, and so many questions were asked, that, rather than reveal the existance of Air Force Prioject Mogul, (the Weather Dominator) the Air Force released a cover story, that a UFO had crashed on a Roswell farm. They retracted the weather ballooon claim and insisted that the wreckage was from an unidentifed flying object.

No one believed it.

The Air force even went so far as to issue a press release stating that a crashed flying disc had been recovered on a remote farm. They hinted that bodies had been recoverd. Major Jesse Marcel would, years later, still claim that the debris was a UFO.

Again, no one believed it.

Why would the Air Force cover up the crash of a weather balloon with the far-fetched story of a UFO crash? Until today, no one knew the full story behind Project Mogul. Here is the complete story, discovered through several Freedom of Information requests.

A.K.A. G.I. Joe: The Revenge of Cobra (The Weather Dominator)
JUNE 14th, 1947

Part 1 “In the Cobra’s Pit”   
Cobra attacks G.I. Joe convoy and steals a high-powered experimental laser. During the battle to protect the laser, both Duke and Snake Eyes are captured by Cobra agents. Once back at Cobra’s base, Destro uses the laser to complete his latest weapon… the Weather Dominator. (PROJECT MOGUL) When Flint and the other Joes launch an air assault and rescue mission, Destro uses the device, and it’s stormy skies ahead for the Joe team. 

Part 2 “The Vines of Evil”
Cobra Commander’s has Duke and Snake-Eyes fight each other in a gladiatorial combat in his Arena of Sport. Cobra plans to assault Washington D.C., but Duke and Snake-Eyes send a Morse code to the Joes. The Joes successfully defend D.C., but destroy the weather device by splitting it into three pieces scattered globally. Weather patterns all over the world are in havoc; G.I. Joe and Cobra begin expeditions to recover the shattered device. 

Part 3 “The Palace of Doom”
Cobra and the Joes head for “The Palace of Doom”, an alleged cursed Aztec temple in ROSWELL NEW MEXICO  to retrieve the first fragment, the ion correlator. Cutter, Wild Bill and Spirit along with Doc, Torpedo, Clutch and Rock ‘n Roll head to an unstable island in the Pacific called the Island of No Return to retrieve another fragment, the Hydro Master, and are opposed by the Baroness, Firefly and Zartan. The Joes retrieve the corrolator, but they lose the fragment to Cobra during an earthquake.

Part 4 “Battle on the Roof of the World”
On the Island of No Return, Spirit saves Stormshadow from drowning while escaping from an underground river. In return for his heroism, Stormshadow allows Spirit to keep the fragment. Flint, Lady Jaye, Snow Job, Spirit, Gung-Ho, MAJOR JESSE MARCEL and Shipwreck head to the North Pole to retrieve the third fragment, The Laser Core, and are opposed by Destro and Zartan. Zartan finds the 3rd fragment, and he blackmails the Joes and Cobra that the final fragment will belong to the highest bidder. 

Part 5 “Amusement Park of Terror”
Zartan broadcasts an unsecure message to the Joes and Cobra offering to bargain for his particular fragment. Both sides trace his call to an amusement park. Cobra captures Zartan, and now they possess all the pieces of the Weather Dominator since Stormshadow sneaked into Joe HQ and stole their fragment. Duke and company raid the Cobra Command center as Roadblock uses vines to attack Destro. The Joes are able to destroy the weather dominator, rescue Duke and company and apprehend Cobra Commander. Destro and Zartan escape on a hang-glider. 

So now, more than sixty years later, Mr. Blog can confirm that the infamous crash of a UFO in Roswell New Mexico was little more than the cover story for a pivotal battle between G.I. Joe, America’s elite forces, and the evil of Cobra and Destro. The debris found was from the ion correlator fragment of Project Mogul, a project so secret that it was known only to America’s special forces. The citizens of Roswell can rest proud, knowing that their small town played a pivotal part in keeping America free of Cobra Commander’s despotic terrorism.

%d bloggers like this: