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American Chopper 2018: Welcome Back?

4 Mar

March 5, 2018:

 

Well. I finally got around to watching the new season of American Chopper. You can’t call it a new show, or even a return, because it is EXACTLY the same as before. It is as if absolutely nothing has changed since this show last aired six years ago, except that Mikey has trimmed his mop and is now working for Sr. I guess they made up. Senior still has his shop and yes, Monkey Boy Jason Pohl is still there. Even Rick returns to OCC in this episode, in what had to be a made-for-reality-TV moment. 

And that was always the problem with this show, and likely will still be. It seems totally fake. Nothing rings true. Teutul Sr and Jr signed contracts for a new show, so this was obviously in the works for a long time. And of course the cameras are rolling in OCC when Sr decides that, despite not working with Jr in ages, he should give him a call and ask for help. Good thing the cameras were there! And somehow, just by coincidence, Rick Petko is free to return to OCC just when Sr needs him. Good thing the cameras were rolling! And somehow, an old bike both Sr and Jr worked on together pops up in Paulie’s shop. Good thing the cameras were rolling! No, no, I’m sure nothing was set up beforehand when all parties involved signed contracts. I’m sure this was all spontaneous, right? RIGHT?

There’s not much to believe here, and unless Paulie and Senior get into shouting matches, I’m not sure what the appeal of this show is. It wore out its welcome years ago. 

Two things I did like:
1- Senior saying that business is down. Yep, so far down he’s in deep legal trouble.
2- Mikey reading the script over one of Sr and Jr’s blow ups. That added a nice touch to a clip we’ve seen a thousand times before.

The show ended with a short package of things to come this season and yes, they destroy stuff for no reason. Wow, what wild men.

 

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My Untitled Novel Project, Part One (Still Unfinished)

27 Feb

February 27, 2018

Russia tried to influence the Presidential election? Give me a break. They have bigger ambitions than that, and back in 2015 I spelled it out in the opening chapter of my novel.

August 9, 2015

The Time: Now
The Place: The Kremlin

Vladimir Putin has assembled all of his most trusted Communist Party leaders. Standing at the head of a long conference table, Putin dims the lights as a video screen blinks to life behind him. On it is a map of Europe. He leans forward.

“Thank you all for coming here on such short notice.”

The others smile small, tight smiles. Some nod, others simply look straight ahead. They were all summoned out of their beds mere minutes ago.

“As you know, it is our Russian destiny to put our stamp on the world.” As he speaks, the Russian hammer and sickle appears on the view screen above every European capital. “What most of you don’t know is that our destiny is now. It begins tonight.”

The assembled men shift slightly in their seats, glancing at each other out of the corners of their eyes, careful to maintain the smiles on their faces. None want to appear disloyal.

Putin pauses. He looks at each of the men, mentally cataloging which he can trust and which will “disappear” this night. After a deliberately long silence, he gestures to the screen.

“And this is how our dominion begins.”

The picture on the screen changes, dissolving into recent news footage. Now the smiles of the men fade. They openly stare at each other. They have seen the news footage before. It is from a recent Japanese tragedy, and all of them are afraid of what it may mean. Of what Putin may mean.

“This, comrades, this is how we will rule the world!” Putin presses a button, and the video freezes, with one single, terrifying image lighting the darkened room. It is reflected in the glasses of the other men, on their shiny medals, and in their fear-struck eyes.

It is Godzilla.

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Hey, what do you think? Is this a winner or what? Didn’t that have you on the edge of your seat? I don’t want to give too much away, but crazy ol’ Putin has found a way to control Godzilla, and he going to use him to destroy the world. Will he succeed? Can he be stopped? And what the heck do Gummy Bears have to do with it? You’ll just have to wait and find out!

(It might be a long wait. That’s all I wrote.)

putnin-rifle

He’s a bad man!

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