Tag Archives: FOX

Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines April 2017

4 Apr

April 4, 2017

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (Home of the Nearly OK Blog) would like to give a big hello! to Mr. Hector Duodenum of Decatur Georgia! Mr. Duodenum has been a loyal reader of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride since it’s inception in 2009! And although he died in 2013, his estate has yet to cancel his credit card and has not been late on a single payment of the Mr. Blog installment plan he purchased right before his death. Thanks so much, Duodenum family!

Today marks the return of a beloved feature not seen since 2015, Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines. How beloved is it? To this day, my Great Aunt Edwina still asks me if I am doing “that stupid answers thing on your stupid blog.” Well yes I am, Auntie! Thanks for your support, and good luck in that competency hearing next week.

“Why Groundhog Day is About Groundhog Day.”
Because a movie called Groundhog Day about Arbor Day would be really stupid?
By the way, if you go Newser right now you’ll see that they already changed that headline. 

To paraphrase Daffy Duck: It’s a great trick but you can only do it once. 
This brainiac made her parents proud by stopping about 20 fans in 30 seconds. And yes, she still has her tongue.
I am shocked that the world’s record was anything other than one since quite frankly, what kind of person would risk doing that twice? Or twenty times. 
With a tongue like that, I bet [INSERT YOUR OWN SEXUAL INNUENDO HERE.]

This one writes itself.
Is it any worse than what you usually find inside a can of Coke?

I wonder if they serve Coke there?
The grease is ruining his property? Imagine what it is doing to his insides. I think he may have some rot in his foundation. And his house too.

“Pudding Pops”? Is it “Pudding Pops”?

I hope it isn’t zip zop zubbidu bop. They really need to play this video at his trial. If they are going to try an insanity defense, this may do the trick

Thanks again, news media. These stories may not have been fake news, but we might have been better off if they were. 

 

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Final Score: Mets 1, Fans 0

28 May

May 28, 2016

Today the Mets are celebrating the 30th anniversary of the 1986 World Series Championship team. There will be a great celebration at Citifield with the members of the 86 team reuniting, with highlights, events, and giveaways. However, thanks to the usual incompetence of their owner, Fred Wilpon, most of the team’s fans won’t see any of it. Frankly, Cheap Freddie doesn’t care.

So how did Wilpon mess it up?
1- He scheduled it on the Memorial Day weekend, a time when people have travel plans, or go to the beach, or barbecue. It will be close to 90 degrees here in New York and many people won’t be watching. But that doesn’t matter because…
2- The celebration will take place an hour before the actual game. Problem is, the game is being aired on FOX (which is even worse than ESPN when it comes to ruining games) and they will not be showing the celebration. They may show highlights during the game, but fans want to cheer the players, the classic moments, the plays, everything the celebration has to offer, not a clip dropped in between pitches. The irony is that Fred Wilpon also owns sports channel SNY, which airs the majority of the Met games. They are the Mets home station and had they the rights to air this game they would show every second of the pre-game celebration. But FOX has this game. And Freddie knew it.

So why did New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon schedule the celebration on a day when most people would have other plans and the television network would not show it? Why did he guarantee that most fans won’t see the celebration? He did it because the Mets are playing the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Mets and Dodgers are not heated rivals. They do not have a celebrated history together. The simple, sad truth is the Fred Wilpon is a Dodgers fan. That’s all. This is not a guess or a theory. Freddie has talked and talked about his love of the Dodgers. When the Mets new stadium was built, it was designed as a replica of Ebbets Field, home of the Brooklyn Dodgers. When you enter, the lobby is a tribute to- you guessed it- the Brooklyn Dodgers, with pictures and displays of the Dodgers, and the highlight was (and still is) a giant tribute to Jackie Robinson. Jackie never played for the Mets. So the Mets 86 World Series tribute is on the worst possible day simply because New York Mets Team Owner Freddie is a Dodgers fan.

mad-mr-met-at-citi-field-copy

But that’s not all. Awful Fred Wilpon also ruined the day for most of the fans who will be in the stands today. Here’s the next way Wilpon messed it up.
3- The Mets are giving away replica World Series rings to the first 15,000 fans in the stadium. Sounds like a lot, right? Well, no. Citifield will be sold out today and the stadium holds 45,000 fans. So 15,000 fans get rings and 30,000 fans get ugatz. In other words, Fred Wilpon has created an event where it is GUARANTEED that 2/3 of the fans will be given NOTHING but bad feelings. Unless you count an empty wallet, since parking costs $23 and even a hot dog is $6.25, highest in the major leagues.

The night before was jersey night. ALL fans got a replica jersey. So on the actual celebration day, why cheap out? The Mets don’t even pay for the giveaways. Oh no, not a penny is pried out of Freddie’s iron-clad wallet. These are sponsored. The sponsor pays for these. All the Mets need to do is add to the contract that there be enough giveaway rings for everyone. If the sponsor can’t afford it, get another. This is NEW YORK and this team went to the WORLD SERIES last year. There is no shortage of potential sponsors.

But this is a Fred Wilpon team. Last year they were sponsored by- this is true!- SendInTheClowns. com. Can you imagine a more appropriate company?

clowns mets

So get ready for the Mets Celebration!
Get ready to not see it!
Get ready to not get the free gift!

Wilpon sucks.

 

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