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Tag Archives: coke

Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines April 2017

4 Apr

April 4, 2017

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (Home of the Nearly OK Blog) would like to give a big hello! to Mr. Hector Duodenum of Decatur Georgia! Mr. Duodenum has been a loyal reader of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride since it’s inception in 2009! And although he died in 2013, his estate has yet to cancel his credit card and has not been late on a single payment of the Mr. Blog installment plan he purchased right before his death. Thanks so much, Duodenum family!

Today marks the return of a beloved feature not seen since 2015, Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines. How beloved is it? To this day, my Great Aunt Edwina still asks me if I am doing “that stupid answers thing on your stupid blog.” Well yes I am, Auntie! Thanks for your support, and good luck in that competency hearing next week.

“Why Groundhog Day is About Groundhog Day.”
Because a movie called Groundhog Day about Arbor Day would be really stupid?
By the way, if you go Newser right now you’ll see that they already changed that headline. 

To paraphrase Daffy Duck: It’s a great trick but you can only do it once. 
This brainiac made her parents proud by stopping about 20 fans in 30 seconds. And yes, she still has her tongue.
I am shocked that the world’s record was anything other than one since quite frankly, what kind of person would risk doing that twice? Or twenty times. 
With a tongue like that, I bet [INSERT YOUR OWN SEXUAL INNUENDO HERE.]

This one writes itself.
Is it any worse than what you usually find inside a can of Coke?

I wonder if they serve Coke there?
The grease is ruining his property? Imagine what it is doing to his insides. I think he may have some rot in his foundation. And his house too.

“Pudding Pops”? Is it “Pudding Pops”?

I hope it isn’t zip zop zubbidu bop. They really need to play this video at his trial. If they are going to try an insanity defense, this may do the trick

Thanks again, news media. These stories may not have been fake news, but we might have been better off if they were. 

 

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Imponderable #118: CVS

6 Dec

December 6, 2013

This is an update to a post from October. First the original post, then the Imponderable Update.

from October 10, 2013

Check this out.

cvs

Reminder: Please check expiration or “best by” dates prior to purchasing.”

The CVS closest to me has these signs peppered all over the store. Even, and this is true, in the greeting card aisle. (There’s nothing worse than buying a Christmas card and finding out it expired on Easter.) This was apparently prompted by the fact that the store is full of expired items. No joke, I mean that. I’m not just talking about the last box of corn flakes sitting way back in the rear of the shelf. I bought a bottle of soda that had just been packed out on the end of the aisle, right near the registers, and when I opened it I found that it was flat and the expiration date was three months ago. And this was just put out for a big sale!

These signs are an admission that they put out expired stuff. They really should say “Warning! We put out expired food and if you are dumb enough to not look at the expiration dates, then too bad for you, sucker.” Instead of making sure that their items are fresh and their products have not expired, they are putting the onus on YOU to make sure that you do not buy stale stuff. 

OK, I can understand taking this little precaution. After all, I check expiration dates on everything I buy as a matter of course. I don’t trust stores not to put out expired goods. But unlike CVS, most stores do not come out and smugly admit that they sell expired goods. 

UPDATE:

IMPONDERABLE #118

Just a couple of days ago, on or about December 3rd, my girlfriend and I bought a couple of bottles so soda on sale at CVS. They had tons of them, packed out in the aisles because the sale was good: All Coke was 2 for $1. Soda is never that cheap. We bought some bottles and got home and she noticed that the soda tasted funny. Sure enough, it had expired November 25th. Now that really isn’t too long ago, and the soda didn’t go bad, but it tasted funny. So she called up the Coca-Cola hotline and complained. They took her information, the store’s information, the batch number on the bottle, and promised to get in touch with the store. They did not sound happy that CVS was selling old soda. My girlfriend has a very nice mean streak at times, so she called the manager of CVS to very smugly tell them about the expired soda and that Coke would be getting touch with them. Sure enough, Coke was right on it and a regional CVS manager was calling her this morning. She didn’t pick up, just let it go to voicemail. Coke, for their part, emailed her a ton of free soda coupons and a letter of apology.

WHY IS CVS STILL SELLING EXPIRED GOODS?

The question is Imponderable. Imponderably stupid.

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