July 19, 2016
It did not pay to get out of bed. It began with a sunburn and a ROTNAC encounter, continued with a dead car battery, and ended with me limping around due to a torn muscle in my left leg.
And I may have accidentally become a sexual predator.
It was a bad day all around.
The day began with high hopes. Saarah and I were selling some old things at a local flea market. We did the same thing last year and had a great spot in the shade of a big leafy tree. This year we were set up in a different place against a bright white wall. We started in the shade but after a couple of hours not only was the sun beating down on us, but it was reflecting off the wall behind us and we were getting it from all angles. I spent a lot of time fidgeting and trying to press as close to the wall’s diminishing shade as my belly made possible. But hey, if you’re making money, who notices a little sunshine and heat? Me.
Setting up our table, I had to go back and forth to my car through a crowd of people who were gathered at the entrance waiting for the flea market to open. Have you ever wondered who would line up for the opening of a local flea market in a churchyard next to an old trailer where most people are selling dirty rotary phones? It isn’t pretty. But it turns out there was a celebrity among them! Believe it or not, ROTNAC was there. I kid you not. (And stick around. I have a suitably weird story about him in the next part.)
Imagine this but with more boxes of old floppy disks and broken lamps.
Well, it was crowded and I had to thread my way through the people at the gate. As I was going out, I had to avoid a vendor coming in pushing a shopping cart full of used sneakers and boxless VHS tapes. (See what you missed? You could have gotten that boxless VHS copy of Short Circuit you never wanted.) Problem was, I was on the edge of a slope, where the sidewalk ramps down at an angle to the street. As I moved around the guy’s cart, I accidentally stepped off the edge, and just lost my balance so I stumbled a little to the right. Didn’t fall over, just tilted and quickly regained my balance. But there was a catch.
When I stumbled, my hand automatically shot out to try and grab something to catch myself, and it (there is no better way to say it, I swear) went right in between the buttocks of a woman in a sundress. Hard and fast. Went right up and in there. Pretty far up.
Uh oh
The woman let out a high pitched “OOOOHHHH!” I got my hand back fast as a flash and said the first thing that came to mind, which was “whoa! Slippery over here!” Then I kept on going like nothing happened and I wasn’t going to end up on the sex offender registry. I smiled at some random people as if to say “I’m a normal guy! Nothing to see here!” I somehow managed not to run like a scared rabbit.
On my way back I came in through another gate.
And not long after, I had an encounter with ROTNAC, who may have muttered something anti-Semetic in my ear.
TO BE CONTINUED
Sigh. There’s no picture in the world that can make this better.
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Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
In Honor of the Great State of Virginia
9 FebFebruary 10, 2019
It seems like the state of Virginia is in a state of chaos nowadays.
First, Governor Ralph Northam was found to have posed in blackface in his med school yearbook.
Next, his Lt. Governor, Justin Fairfax, has been accused of sexual assault and rape.
Then, Attorney General Mark Herring, third in line for Governor, admitted that he too had appeared in blackface at a party in the 80’s.
WTF is up with Virginia Democrats?
Allan Keyes was way ahead of the curve. In this post from 2016, Allan takes us back to a time when Archie Bunker appeared in blackface. And as big a racist as he was, even Archie Bunker was embarrassed to wear blackface.
Thus proving that Virginia Democrats are bigger racists than Archie Bunker. QED.
From November 19, 2016
Hey, I’m back!
Now I know, after reading that sentence, several questions come to mind:
-Where ya been?
-Who are you again?
-How quickly till you go away?
Anyway, the other day, Baby Girl Keyes (NOTE: Not her real name) was dressed very fashionably in an outfit that featured pants covered with all of the Disney princesses.
Awww…
She was her usual self, racing around as fast as her hands and feet could carry her, yelling like a lunatic (LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER!) when she went very calm and still. Which is never a good sign with her. Well now…turns out the kid took one of those diaper-bursting monster dumps that went all the way up her back and down her legs. But as I help her up to run her to the changing table (read: cardboard box covered in newspapers) the only thing I could really notice was all the faces of those Disney princesses were slowly turning brown.
Ewww…
It was hilarious – all these princesses starting to look like Archie Bunker in blackface putting on a minstrel show. (All in the Family season 6 episodes 14 and 15, Birth of The Baby parts 1 and 2. What, you thought I made that up?) In that episode, his friends at the lodge decided that it would be a great! Really Great! Idea to put on a mistral show.
Archie Bunker, noted racist, archenemy of George Jefferson, he who thought George Washington Carver was our first President’s butcher, even HE knew that putting on a minstrel show and wearing blackface was a bad idea. He was forced to do it or get kicked out of the lodge. And of course, this was the very night that his daughter went into labor so he showed up in the hospital painted and wearing a ridiculous sparkly suit even the Temptations wouldn’t wear.
NOTE: These images are, of course, ridiculous, and if anyone is offended, just remember that this is Archie Bunker and if anyone was not a role model and didn’t deserve to emulated, it was him.
Plus, this is a post about baby poop and stains. Don’t look for political or racial discourse here.
But if you do, here’s your takeaway: Archie Bunker is now qualified to be Governor of Virginia.
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