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Conveniently Inconvenient

1 May

May 1, 2021

Dear readers, Mr. and Mrs. Blog are once again looking for a place to live. For reasons I prefer to keep to myself, our old place was no longer meeting the needs of a pair of globetrotting iconoclasts such as ourselves (and our cat.)

(On a completely unrelated note, if anyone would be interested in buying a slightly singed and smoke damaged sofa, or some only partially burnt pants, drop me a note. Ha ha, I kid because it’s true.)

Well, as part of my brilliant plan to see every lousy house in Brooklyn, a plan which I pinky-swear is not at all motivated by my lack of money but only motivated by sense of ironic humor, I toured a home which, after some long thought and soul-searching, I declared was a house that people only move out of, not into.

But that’s not to say that it didn’t make me think. Below is a rough sketch of the layout of the last apartment I saw. It isn’t to scale, but it is close, and I did not exaggerate it one bit.

BEHOLD!

You are reading that correctly. The bathroom is in the kitchen, directly between the stove and the dining room table.

Now, if you spend as much time in the bathroom as I do my cat does, you can see the obvious convenience.

On the other hand, without being too graphic, there are some, um, “obvious drawbacks” to having the toilet three feet from your breakfast burrito. And speaking as someone who hosts lavish dinner parties, it can be unseemly when the Archbishop excuses himself from the Vichyssoise and the rest of the party can clearly hear his “business affairs.” Let alone smell them.

This is not the first time I have seen an apartment where the bathroom is uncomfortably close to the kitchen, but this is the first time the bathroom has actually been in the kitchen.

(Meanwhile, I have a singed loveseat to go with the burnt sofa, and there is a charred sport coat with most of the lapels still intact that matches the only partially burnt pants. I’ll toss in some waterlogged sneakers too.)

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The 5 Memes of Christmas Day 3: Crankiness

11 Dec

December 11, 2020

The 5 Memes of Christmas is a series running every Friday this month until the unveiling of the bmj2k.com Annual Fonzie Christmas Meme. Each week we will spotlight a Great Moment in Santa History from Classic TV. The theme for week three: Crankiness!

That’s Phil Foster in the hideous Santa throne above. You’d be cranky too if you had to sit in that thing while sticky kids with sticky fingers covered in goo pawed your lap and pulled your beard.

Can’t get enough of Phil Foster sitting in a chair? When Mr. Blog was a kid in Brooklyn this commercial ran all the time, where a seated Phil Foster yelled at us until we bought furniture. Watch him as he nearly slides out of his chair with fury:

What’s not fear love? That’s what made Laverne and Shirley such a hit. You never knew when Frank DeFazio would throw a gasket and smack a man right in the Pizza Bowl.

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