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A Moment Of Kindness On The Metro North

8 Mar

March 9, 2018

The Metro North is a northeastern regional train line. You buy a ticket and the conductor walks down the aisle and punches a card, which he sticks on your seat signifying at which stop you get off. I ride it every day and I usually get a seat but  on this night it was crowded and I stood.

Sitting not far from me was a family, a father and his young children. They were about five years old and very cute, reading books on the ride. But it was crowded and cramped and bad as it was for me standing, it was worse for the conductor who had to squeeze his way down the aisle and check everyone’s ticket and punch a card for each one.  So he could be forgiven if he just did his job and moved on down the line.

But he didn’t.

Wouldn’t you give this child a smile?

When he got to the family, he took some extra time with the tickets. While he made small talk with the kids (“Do you like the ride? Is it smooth enough?”) I watched him make a lot of extra punches in their tickets. I had no idea what he was doing but when he was finished, he handed them each a card which had a smiley face punched into it.

The kids were thrilled as only a little kid would be at getting a card with a smiley face punched in it. Their smiles were huge and they waved the cards in the air. They were happy, their father was happy, the conductor was happy, and I, who just happened to be looking at the right place at the right time, was happy too.

Look closely at the ticket in his hand.

 

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Gwyneth Paltrow Vs. Dracula

14 Oct

October 14, 2017

The horror is all about us this month. The temperature dips, the sun sets earlier, the moon rises, and Halloween nears. Werewolves stalk the woods and vampires seek their prey. It is a good thing we have a protector, a direct decedent of Professor Van Helsing.

I am of course talking about the traditional foe of the undead, Gwyneth Paltrow.

In case you missed it, noted intellectual, nuclear physicist, and Mensa member Paltrow is selling vampire repellent on her website, the accurately named goop.com.

It’s a real thing, check it out. The ingredients include such well-known anti-vampire ingredients as sound waves, moonlight, and love. Now me, if I were selling a quack vampire repellent, I’d use sunlight, not moonlight, but hey, that’s just me. The vampire repellent handed down in my family for generations includes sunlight, garlic, and pure anger.

Now to be fair to the clueless Ms. Paltrow, this is actually made to repel psychic vampires, and those are much harder to defend against than the blood-sucking types. My old Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual says they deal 1d6 points of damage + 1d6 points of damage for every two power points spent. Whatever that means.

But if you are a fan of stuff like this, no matter what your brain issue, you can also find other awesome(ly expensive and ridiculous) items on her site like an energy-cleansing aromatic mister and a rose quartz egg designed to increase sexual energy. I appreciate the fact that instructions are not included online for that item.

Whether the vampires are psychic or blood draining, it seems to me the only suckers here are the ones paying money for this stuff.

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