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This Was A Bad Day. (Part 1)

19 Jul

July 19, 2016

It did not pay to get out of bed. It began with a sunburn and a ROTNAC encounter, continued with a dead car battery, and ended with me limping around due to a torn muscle in my left leg.

And I may have accidentally become a sexual predator.

It was a bad day all around.

The day began with high hopes. Saarah and I were selling some old things at a local flea market. We did the same thing last year and had a great spot in the shade of a big leafy tree. This year we were set up in a different place against a bright white wall. We started in the shade but after a couple of hours not only was the sun beating down on us, but it was reflecting off the wall behind us and we were getting it from all angles. I spent a lot of time fidgeting and trying to press as close to the wall’s diminishing shade as my belly made possible. But hey, if you’re making money, who notices a little sunshine and heat? Me.

Setting up our table, I had to go back and forth to my car through a crowd of people who were gathered at the entrance waiting for the flea market to open. Have you ever wondered who would line up for the opening of a local flea market in a churchyard next to an old trailer where most people are selling dirty rotary phones? It isn’t pretty. But it turns out there was a celebrity among them! Believe it or not, ROTNAC was there. I kid you not. (And stick around. I have a suitably weird story about him in the next part.)

Imagine this but with more boxes of old floppy disks and broken lamps.

Imagine this but with more boxes of old floppy disks and broken lamps.

Well, it was crowded and I had to thread my way through the people at the gate. As I was going out, I had to avoid a vendor coming in pushing a shopping cart full of used sneakers and boxless VHS tapes. (See what you missed? You could have gotten that boxless VHS copy of Short Circuit you never wanted.) Problem was, I was on the edge of a slope, where the sidewalk ramps down at an angle to the street. As I moved around the guy’s cart, I accidentally stepped off the edge, and just lost my balance so I stumbled a little to the right. Didn’t fall over, just tilted and quickly regained my balance. But there was a catch.

When I stumbled, my hand automatically shot out to try and grab something to catch myself, and it (there is no better way to say it, I swear) went right in between the buttocks of a woman in a sundress. Hard and fast. Went right up and in there. Pretty far up.

Uh oh

Uh oh

The woman let out a high pitched “OOOOHHHH!” I got my hand back fast as a flash and said the first thing that came to mind, which was “whoa! Slippery over here!” Then I kept on going like nothing happened and I wasn’t going to end up on the sex offender registry. I smiled at some random people as if to say “I’m a normal guy! Nothing to see here!” I somehow managed not to run like a scared rabbit. 

On my way back I came in through another gate.

And not long after, I had an encounter with ROTNAC, who may have muttered something anti-Semetic in my ear.

TO BE CONTINUED

Sigh. There's no picture in the world that can make this better.

Sigh. There’s no picture in the world that can make this better.

.

 

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6 Responses to “This Was A Bad Day. (Part 1)”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT July 19, 2016 at 12:05 am #

    O__O Can’t wait to read what happened next O__O

    Liked by 1 person

    • bmj2k July 19, 2016 at 12:07 am #

      I was just writing that. Give it a couple of days. Next part has ROTNAC, third part is how I got hurt. I’m also describing all the weird things on sale next, including too many used sneakers than can logically be explained.

      Like

      • Mac of BIOnighT July 19, 2016 at 10:22 pm #

        your days can be even more surreal than mine… ;-P

        Like

        • bmj2k July 19, 2016 at 11:05 pm #

          Only sometimes. Pretty boring most days, to be honest. But this one was so strange.

          Like

  2. Matt Cowan July 20, 2016 at 7:20 am #

    You’ve obviously been cursed by a voodoo Shaman.

    Like

    • bmj2k July 20, 2016 at 9:51 pm #

      That explains it. I wish I never took that trip to the Louisiana bayou.

      Liked by 1 person

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