Tag Archives: Allan Keyes

Pumpkin Pickin’ Pukin’ Pumpkins

27 Oct

An Allan Keyes Klassic from October 29, 2012, republished on October 27, 2021

Happy Halloween everyone! It’s that magical day of the year when we can dress up as superheros, act like panhandlers, and stuff our faces with candy all at the same time! Just a tip though, the rumors are not true – McDonalds does not give out cheeseburgers to trick-or-treaters . Those bastards!

Anyway, have a great night out eating other people’s candy! Now here’s some twisted Jack-O-Lanterns!

Fun With Teh Internets:  PUKING PUMPKINS!

Allan Keyes’ favorite!

BONUS SEARCH: Cannibal Pumpkins.
The little guy looks so happy, doesn’t he?

And for some reason, this came up in the search…..

Wait till you see my selection of inappropriate Santas for Christmas…… 😉

Quarantine All-Stars

22 May

May 23 2020

All of us at GOMALCO Industries care for our employees. You know us the company that brings you such housewares as Mrs. Anderson’s Industrial Nicotine For The Home, Do-It-Yourself Crime Scene Cleanup, Quik Baby Nap Inhalable Sleep Powder, and of course, Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride.

As part of our dedication to you, our valued consumer assets, we wanted to check in on the Mr. Blog Tepid Team to find out why the heck they have produced nearly no blogs this past year despite cashing their paychecks, those ungrateful  how they are coping with the recent COVID-19 situation.

We first looked in on the Editors and Staff, and assorted hangers on.

We tracked down BMJ2K “fan favorite” Norman Snackmunch. GOMALCO Industries takes no position on his lifestyle, other than to point out that as an at-will freelance employee we will not cover any health-related expenses, such as gastric bypass or an extra-wide coffin.

Another alleged favorite is Greg “Always Hammered / The Hammer” Valentine. As you may recall, he has not changed his facial expression in years.

Has the coronavirus had any effect on this man?

No it has not

Speaking of unhealthy guys who never change, we tracked down Mr. Know-It-All. It wasn’t hard, we just followed the smell.

Of course, not everyone is having a rough time of things.

I HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS!

How about the rest of our crew? Click on the thumbnails for more.

 

Allan Keyes could not be reached for comment.

GOMALCO Industries hope that you are doing well in these trying times. If you are feeling overwhelmed or find yourself in need of some help, please consider our line of GOMALCO Fine Wine And Sanitizer. Thank You.

 

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