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Tag Archives: relationships

Your Daily Horoscope: November 18th, 2014

18 Nov

November 18, 2014

Your Daily Horoscope: November 18th, 2014

  • Aries: Today will be a good day to indulge your hidden desires, but not in public! That sort of thing is still illegal in this country.
  • Taurus: You will come into money today! A Nigerian Prince will contact you about transferring a large sum of money out of his country. Be sure to give him your social security number.
  • Gemini: The moon is in the second house. See loser? Even the moon can afford two houses, and you still live your parent’s basement.
  • Cancer: You will get cancer. HA! Just kidding!
  • Leo: Avoid using deodorant today. This will keep your boss from approaching you with extra work.
  • Virgo: Today will be a great day to email a Taurus while pretending to be a Nigerian Prince.
  • Libra: Today is your lucky day! If you’re hoping your wife will ask for a divorce, that is.
  • Scorpio: You might want to consider getting a cool tattoo on your face, just like Mike Tyson.
  • Sagittarius: Magic 8 Ball says: YES
  • Capricorn: You will meet a handsome stranger. His name is Jeph. You will dislike him intensely.
  • Aquarius: If you know anyone who is a Taurus, don’t let on that I’m just screwing with him about that whole Nigerian Prince thing, OK?
  • Pisces: Insert your own “Uranus is ascending” joke.
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Locally Single, Globally Pathetic

23 Jun

June 23, 2014

Pity the local single guy. He tries, oh he tries. But not hard enough. His car is not up to speed, his clothes are not quite as clean as they could be, and his choice of music not the most romantic. Is it any wonder this man is still single? Here’s another batch of local single guy tweets.

lsg

A rose on The Bachelorette? He’d be lucky sit on a stool on Bar Rescue.

But like I said, he tries. It is even possible his pants won’t have any ketchup stains this week. After all, he thinks he might do the laundry.

Follow the tweets on this site in the sidebar or @ bmj2k on twitter.

 

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