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Another Star Wars Rant

15 Aug

August 15, 2016

This is it. Just what the world needs. Another Star Wars rant.

The new Rogue One trailer came out and I’m getting excited again for Star Wars. Mainly, I’m excited because George Lucas has nothing to do with it. He struck gold with A New Hope, topped himself with The Empire Strikes Back (though there is plenty of credit to go around) and should have stopped there, but Return of The Jedi is still pretty good.

The prequels not only suck but are totally insignificant. There is nothing in them you need to know. You can watch the original trilogy and have all the info you need. Remember, Lucas made the story he wanted to tell in the first three films. Everything else is just background. And the Clone Wars cartoon? That’s a whole other kettle of fish. I’ll discuss that if I ever get around to my “the Jedi and Sith are insignificant to the world of Star Wars” rant.

This rant is pretty simple. This is about how Lucas totally screwed up the Jedi uniforms in The Phantom Menace. And I’ll let pictures do the talking for me.

JEDI OUTFITS

In A New Hope, Obi-Wan is wearing simple desert garb, just like Uncle Owen and half the planet wears. But in the prequels, we find out that Obi-Wan, a Jedi in hiding, someone Darth Vader would dearly like to find if he’s alive, was hiding out while wearing his Jedi outfit. Seriously? In hiding but still in uniform? 

But check this out. That’s never what a Jedi outfit was supposed to look like. Luke, who declared himself a Jedi, wears a Jedi outfit in Return of The Jedi.

jedi outfit 2And he wore it in front of Yoda, who surely would have told Luke he was dressed like a Sith Lord, not a Jedi.

But for no good reason Lucas screwed things up right in the very first shot of The Phantom Menace.

Rant over. I’m right. George Lucas is wrong.

Always.

two jedi

Imponderable #131: A Message From Above?

12 Jul

July 12, 2016

blank imponderable header

I came across a story on News of the Weird that was so ridiculous that it had them rethinking their position on what makes a story weird.

fecal cross

In a nutshell, a woman was changing her baby’s diaper and found a poop smear in the shape of a cross. And as most rational people would do, she fell to her knees, screamed “hallelujah!” and took it as a sign from God. Because where else would you find a sign from God than in a filthy diaper?

While I consider News of the Weird far more credible than the NY Daily News (their motto: please, please end it all and  put us out of our misery) I went to their source, the Huffington Post, which is more credible than the Daily News but still slightly less credible than a gossipy mollusk.

fp1

Are any of you surprised that this story comes from Florida? 

“It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.” Hard to argue with logic like that. If God, in his infinite wisdom, decided to put a sign in literally any other place in the world, this woman would never have seen it. Not in the sky, on her TV, or her forehead. This is why the army routinely used to put Vietnam draft notices in used baby diapers, right? 

I’ve left out the picture because some of you might find it a little disgusting, but it really isn’t that bad. Be warned: you are about to see a slightly soiled diaper.

poop cross

Would God really send a woman a sign by putting a cross made of feces in her child’s diaper?
The question is Imponderable. But I’m pretty sure that no, God wouldn’t. 

But if he did, then this old post featuring a cross created from a man’s baldness must also be a sign.

WORLD'S WORST BALDNESS