Tag Archives: George Lucas

Another Star Wars Rant

15 Aug

August 15, 2016

This is it. Just what the world needs. Another Star Wars rant.

The new Rogue One trailer came out and I’m getting excited again for Star Wars. Mainly, I’m excited because George Lucas has nothing to do with it. He struck gold with A New Hope, topped himself with The Empire Strikes Back (though there is plenty of credit to go around) and should have stopped there, but Return of The Jedi is still pretty good.

The prequels not only suck but are totally insignificant. There is nothing in them you need to know. You can watch the original trilogy and have all the info you need. Remember, Lucas made the story he wanted to tell in the first three films. Everything else is just background. And the Clone Wars cartoon? That’s a whole other kettle of fish. I’ll discuss that if I ever get around to my “the Jedi and Sith are insignificant to the world of Star Wars” rant.

This rant is pretty simple. This is about how Lucas totally screwed up the Jedi uniforms in The Phantom Menace. And I’ll let pictures do the talking for me.

JEDI OUTFITS

In A New Hope, Obi-Wan is wearing simple desert garb, just like Uncle Owen and half the planet wears. But in the prequels, we find out that Obi-Wan, a Jedi in hiding, someone Darth Vader would dearly like to find if he’s alive, was hiding out while wearing his Jedi outfit. Seriously? In hiding but still in uniform? 

But check this out. That’s never what a Jedi outfit was supposed to look like. Luke, who declared himself a Jedi, wears a Jedi outfit in Return of The Jedi.

jedi outfit 2And he wore it in front of Yoda, who surely would have told Luke he was dressed like a Sith Lord, not a Jedi.

But for no good reason Lucas screwed things up right in the very first shot of The Phantom Menace.

Rant over. I’m right. George Lucas is wrong.

Always.

two jedi

The Worst Line Ever Written In All Of Star Wars

23 Nov

November 23, 2015

Aftermath, written by Chuck Wendig in, I think, about 20 minutes, is the new Star Wars novel, bridging the events of Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens. If you ever wanted to read a Star Wars book not starring any Star Wars characters and not taking place in any familiar Star Wars locales, with a cast of characters you really don’t give a bleep about, then Aftermath is the book for you.

 On the other hand, if you can overlook the little things, like plot and dialogue, it’s really not too bad. To be fair, there were 6 pages with Han Solo that were interesting. The other 360? Not so much.

However, there was a hidden gem of awfulness stuck in the middle. It was a line that jumped out of the page and stuck on the bottom of my shoe like a sticky lump. For no particular reason, the scene shifted to a fight between bounty hunter Dengar (from The Empire Strikes Back) and a new character ridiculously named Mercurial Swift.

I cannot stress strongly enough that Mercurial Swift is not a potion used by Harry Potter, it is a character’s name in Star Wars.

DengarIG88Fett-TESB30

Dengar is the smelly looking one on the left.

I believe this to be the worst thing ever written in all of Star Wars, and remember- it is in competition with every single thing Jar Jar Binks ever said.

Page 182
(Dengar to Mercurial Swift)

“Oh ho ho, you think I’ve lost a step, huh?”

“Can’t lose a step you never had.”

Dengar guffaws. “You little scrap muncher. I was putting away bounties while you were still in your space diapers.”

“What’s it say about you that you’re still in your space diapers?”

“You don’t much like me, do you?”

Anyway, aside from the fact that Dengar speaks like he’s in an old Errol Flynn pirate movie (“Oh ho ho”), what’s with “space diapers”?  Are they different than regular diapers? Do little kids in Star Wars sleep in space cribs and eat space oatmeal? Why was it important to stress that these are space diapers?

NOTE TO CHUCK WENDIG: On any planet they would still be called plain old diapers.

NOTE TO SELF: Do not buy any more books written by Chuck Wendig.

 

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