Tag Archives: baby

Imponderable #131: A Message From Above?

12 Jul

July 12, 2016

blank imponderable header

I came across a story on News of the Weird that was so ridiculous that it had them rethinking their position on what makes a story weird.

fecal cross

In a nutshell, a woman was changing her baby’s diaper and found a poop smear in the shape of a cross. And as most rational people would do, she fell to her knees, screamed “hallelujah!” and took it as a sign from God. Because where else would you find a sign from God than in a filthy diaper?

While I consider News of the Weird far more credible than the NY Daily News (their motto: please, please end it all and  put us out of our misery) I went to their source, the Huffington Post, which is more credible than the Daily News but still slightly less credible than a gossipy mollusk.

fp1

Are any of you surprised that this story comes from Florida? 

“It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.” Hard to argue with logic like that. If God, in his infinite wisdom, decided to put a sign in literally any other place in the world, this woman would never have seen it. Not in the sky, on her TV, or her forehead. This is why the army routinely used to put Vietnam draft notices in used baby diapers, right? 

I’ve left out the picture because some of you might find it a little disgusting, but it really isn’t that bad. Be warned: you are about to see a slightly soiled diaper.

poop cross

Would God really send a woman a sign by putting a cross made of feces in her child’s diaper?
The question is Imponderable. But I’m pretty sure that no, God wouldn’t. 

But if he did, then this old post featuring a cross created from a man’s baldness must also be a sign.

WORLD'S WORST BALDNESS

Imponderable #28: Germany

23 Dec

December 23, 2011

I know what you are thinking, that there are a lot of Imponderables that could come out of Germany. Lederhosen, for example. Why would anyone wear leather shorts? One the one hand, you wear shorts to stay cool. But on the other hand, leather is heavy and hot. I don’t get it.

Other German things I don’t understand are Oompah bands, lids on beer steins, and their David Hasselhoff fixation.

And I still don’t get why Hitler invaded Russia in the winter. Lousy tactics.

And now this, a short and sweet story from the land of Bavaria via News of the Weird: 

1- 528-pound woman.
2- 13-pound baby.
3- 14 children.

Who is schtupping that woman? HOW is he schtupping that woman? All 528 pounds of her!

And oh, yeah, she named the baby Jihad, which in one definition means “struggle.” This woman seems to not struggle in either her fights with food or sex. How ironic.

What kind of amazing personality must a 528-pound woman with 14 kids have?

The question is Imponderable.

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