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Tag Archives: baldness

Imponderable #131: A Message From Above?

12 Jul

July 12, 2016

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I came across a story on News of the Weird that was so ridiculous that it had them rethinking their position on what makes a story weird.

fecal cross

In a nutshell, a woman was changing her baby’s diaper and found a poop smear in the shape of a cross. And as most rational people would do, she fell to her knees, screamed “hallelujah!” and took it as a sign from God. Because where else would you find a sign from God than in a filthy diaper?

While I consider News of the Weird far more credible than the NY Daily News (their motto: please, please end it all and  put us out of our misery) I went to their source, the Huffington Post, which is more credible than the Daily News but still slightly less credible than a gossipy mollusk.

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Are any of you surprised that this story comes from Florida? 

“It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.” Hard to argue with logic like that. If God, in his infinite wisdom, decided to put a sign in literally any other place in the world, this woman would never have seen it. Not in the sky, on her TV, or her forehead. This is why the army routinely used to put Vietnam draft notices in used baby diapers, right? 

I’ve left out the picture because some of you might find it a little disgusting, but it really isn’t that bad. Be warned: you are about to see a slightly soiled diaper.

poop cross

Would God really send a woman a sign by putting a cross made of feces in her child’s diaper?
The question is Imponderable. But I’m pretty sure that no, God wouldn’t. 

But if he did, then this old post featuring a cross created from a man’s baldness must also be a sign.

WORLD'S WORST BALDNESS

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Two Minutes in Canada

25 Jul

July 25, 2014

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Americans have always looked towards Canada with fear and mistrust. But all that worry really just hides our own national insecurity. If Canada is America’s funny hat, what does it say about us? Why would we, as a nation, wear such a hat? Is America hiding a bald spot? Is it a hipster?

Fear not, Americans, the good ol’ US of A still has a full head of hair. It turns out that Canada is more than just a geographic chapeau; it has a rich history all its own, one that many of us who live under the Canadian brim are not aware of.

Being so far north, Canada has more than its share of hardships: Ice, snow, even many people who speak French. And worst of all, despite being so far north, Santa Claus shows it no special treatment and usually delivers Canadian presents last, on his way back to the North Pole.

But what do we learn about Canada in school? Fur trading. Canada has a lot of fur traders. At least it did back when the text books took place.

First, Americans traded with the Native American Indian* trappers.
Then, they traded with French fur traders.
December 10, 1984: New York Mets traded Hubie Brooks to the Montreal Expos for Gary Carter.

*Notice they don’t call them “Native Canadian Indians.”

Why was there so much trapping in Canada? Beavers. There were so many beaver dams in Canada that in 1833, official records show that a full 63% of Canada was underwater.

FUN FACT: The Montreal Expos were named after the expo, a small burrowing mammal hunted to extinction by French fur traders.

 

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