Tag Archives: bald

Imponderable #131: A Message From Above?

12 Jul

July 12, 2016

blank imponderable header

I came across a story on News of the Weird that was so ridiculous that it had them rethinking their position on what makes a story weird.

fecal cross

In a nutshell, a woman was changing her baby’s diaper and found a poop smear in the shape of a cross. And as most rational people would do, she fell to her knees, screamed “hallelujah!” and took it as a sign from God. Because where else would you find a sign from God than in a filthy diaper?

While I consider News of the Weird far more credible than the NY Daily News (their motto: please, please end it all and  put us out of our misery) I went to their source, the Huffington Post, which is more credible than the Daily News but still slightly less credible than a gossipy mollusk.

fp1

Are any of you surprised that this story comes from Florida? 

“It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.” Hard to argue with logic like that. If God, in his infinite wisdom, decided to put a sign in literally any other place in the world, this woman would never have seen it. Not in the sky, on her TV, or her forehead. This is why the army routinely used to put Vietnam draft notices in used baby diapers, right? 

I’ve left out the picture because some of you might find it a little disgusting, but it really isn’t that bad. Be warned: you are about to see a slightly soiled diaper.

poop cross

Would God really send a woman a sign by putting a cross made of feces in her child’s diaper?
The question is Imponderable. But I’m pretty sure that no, God wouldn’t. 

But if he did, then this old post featuring a cross created from a man’s baldness must also be a sign.

WORLD'S WORST BALDNESS

From Our “Be Glad That The Fudgesicle Was The Only Thing In His Mouth” Department:

6 Oct

October 4, 2011

Well it was bound to happen sometime. Nicolas Cage woke up one night and found a naked man in his room eating a fudgesicle.

Other sources refer to the man as “fat” so I am going with that in the pursuit of humor.

Put yourself in Nicolas Cage’s shoes. Now now, I know that no one wants to do that but remember, he is rich. On the other hand he seems to think that Ghost Rider had a good script and he named his son Kal-El. Anyway, you wake up and standing by the foot of your bed is a naked fat man wearing only your own leather jacket and sucking suggestively on a fudgesicle.

I know that nowhere in the article did it say “suggestively” but really, what else could it be?

Anyway, what would you do? Me, I’d probably shit my pants. But not Cage. He somehow talked the guy out of his house. I hope he talked the guy back into his pants too, ‘cause that would be my first priority.

And nowhere online could I find where the fudgesicle came from. Was it from Cage’s freezer? Did the man somehow manage to break into the house while eating the fudgesicle?

This nearly-Imponderable article brings up so many unanswered questions, like “WTF?” and “huh?”

And now, feast your eyes on this:

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