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Tag Archives: Darth Vader

Another Star Wars Rant

15 Aug

August 15, 2016

This is it. Just what the world needs. Another Star Wars rant.

The new Rogue One trailer came out and I’m getting excited again for Star Wars. Mainly, I’m excited because George Lucas has nothing to do with it. He struck gold with A New Hope, topped himself with The Empire Strikes Back (though there is plenty of credit to go around) and should have stopped there, but Return of The Jedi is still pretty good.

The prequels not only suck but are totally insignificant. There is nothing in them you need to know. You can watch the original trilogy and have all the info you need. Remember, Lucas made the story he wanted to tell in the first three films. Everything else is just background. And the Clone Wars cartoon? That’s a whole other kettle of fish. I’ll discuss that if I ever get around to my “the Jedi and Sith are insignificant to the world of Star Wars” rant.

This rant is pretty simple. This is about how Lucas totally screwed up the Jedi uniforms in The Phantom Menace. And I’ll let pictures do the talking for me.

JEDI OUTFITS

In A New Hope, Obi-Wan is wearing simple desert garb, just like Uncle Owen and half the planet wears. But in the prequels, we find out that Obi-Wan, a Jedi in hiding, someone Darth Vader would dearly like to find if he’s alive, was hiding out while wearing his Jedi outfit. Seriously? In hiding but still in uniform? 

But check this out. That’s never what a Jedi outfit was supposed to look like. Luke, who declared himself a Jedi, wears a Jedi outfit in Return of The Jedi.

jedi outfit 2And he wore it in front of Yoda, who surely would have told Luke he was dressed like a Sith Lord, not a Jedi.

But for no good reason Lucas screwed things up right in the very first shot of The Phantom Menace.

Rant over. I’m right. George Lucas is wrong.

Always.

two jedi

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Star Wars Episode VIII Wish List (Spoilers? Maybe.)

3 May

April 3, 2016

TOP TEN THINGS I WANT TO SEE IN STAR WARS EPISODE VIII

1- Revenge of the wampa. Remember the wampa ice monster that captured Luke on Hoth? Luke escaped by cutting its arm off with his lightsaber. I want to see the monster, now with a cybernetic arm, come looking for payback. This would explain why no one has seen Luke for years- he’s been hiding from the wampa.

wampa02

2- Chewbacca’s pants. Chewie is a giant furry beast. Imagine how bad he must smell when he gets wet. I want part of the next film to be set on a water world, forcing Chewbacca to wear thick rubber pants and wading boots to stay dry.

3- Kung Fu. Star Wars debuted in the 1970’s, an era known for disco, polyester, and Kung Fu fighting. Disco Star Wars was a hit, but there were no Kung Fu fighting Jedi. Time to fix that mistake. Also, they must be badly dubbed.

star-wars-a-new-hope-japan

4- Finn wearing a monocle. I just want to see Finn wearing a monocle.

5- Time travel. Star Wars has never included time travel. I say it’s about time. (Pun intended.) Now that Han is dead, a grief-stricken Leia travels back in time to bring back a younger Han. Unfortunately she misses the mark by a few years and now Kid Solo is part of the Resistance. Sure he’s only 12 years old, but he’ll grow.

6- A whole bunch of Darth Vaders. Everyone loves Darth Vader. So how about a clone horde of Darth Vaders, each claiming to be the real Vader, all battling themselves? Imagine what a great lightsaber battle 570 Darth Vaders could have!

7- C-3PO’s purple foot. Anthony Daniels was not a fan of Threepio’s red arm, so much so that they had to compromise and return his golden arm by film’s end. I liked the look. It was the most character development the fussy ‘bot had in seven films. I say make it a running gag. In every film, replace some part of him with a different color appendage.

8- Batman.
batman-vs-star-wars

9- More Ewoks. Yes, I said more Ewoks. Kylo Ren’s bedroom should be filled with cuddly Ewok teddy bears, all with their stuffing hanging out from one of his angry temper tantrums. Poor kid. He had a rough life.

10- An apology. I still want someone to apologize for Episode I. (Midi-chlorians? Bah!)

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