Tag Archives: frozen food

Always Read The Directions

17 Dec

 

December 17, 2014

I went over to my friend’s house for dinner the other day. There were four of us and we were looking forward to the meal. You see, my friend is a little bit of a foodie.

So we sat down at the dinner table and on each of our plates was a slice of frozen pizza. We each took a quick glance at each other, but hey, this must be some nouveau-food thing. As I poured myself a glass of grape soda, our host sat down and said “dig in.”

Feeling a little weird, I took a bite of the frozen slab, or I tried to. It was a block of ice. I ground down and my teeth sheared off little plasticy flecks of frozen processed cheese which fell on my shirt. But a little more pressure and snap! The frozen pizza cracked into five or six chunks of ice. One of them lodged in my windpipe and I died.

I should have paid attention to the warning on the box.

ellioscook

ellios

 

Hello Happy To Read Consumer! Freshly Written Part Second!

26 Jun

June 26, 2013

This blog is for Mac, who sent in the first two pictures. He is a huge fan of bad translations, as am I. Check out my first bad translation blog here. You should also check out Mac, an awesome musician, great photographer, and all-around terrific guy right here at his Facebook page.

Here’s his first picture, from a package of food I urge you not to eat:

hormones-fat-spit

I love the fact that they are so upfront about the spit. I am sure that a great many people base their dining options on the spit count.

Up next, Mac has sent in a travel advisory.

ENGRISH TRANSLATE ERROR

I don’t know what that is but it looks like a train station to me. Of course, for all I know that could be a sushi bar or an anime factory. Either way, I am glad that the sign was there to clear things up.

This next sign comes to us from this very blog! (Yes! Someone reads this!)

inconvenient tanks

They know something that I don’t. “Important reason?” “Tanks”? Something bad is brewing, but it is a comfort to know that the owners will be close in case we need them.

And is there anything more inconvenient than a tank?

And lastly, one more that I took myself but, unlike the one above, it has never been published here before. Behold! The debut of the Chinese menu fail!

buns

That just sounds wrong. So very, very wrong.

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