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Tag Archives: commercial

Imponderable #129: Who is Gamma?

5 Mar

March 5, 2016

Optimum is an internet/TV/phone company that routinely gives me such lousy service that I often have to write Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride from the gas station down the street. (And it shows- the Editors.)

They are running very annoying commercials at all hours of the day touting their excellent service. Ironically, their service is so bad I can only see those commercials when I am at the home of anyone else with better internet. Or at the gas station. I get better service stealing the gas station unsecured Wi-Fi than I do at home from Optimum.

The commercial begins with very serious-seeming people working on very serious-seeming stuff in a very serious setting that looks like NASA in every film you have ever seen.

The real NASA has technology about two decades older. That's true.

The real NASA has technology about two decades older. That’s true.

How serious is this? It is so serious that these people have their fingers on the nuclear button! We’re through the looking glass, people.

gamma 0

Finally, they intone “Gamma is a go. Go for Gamma.” They turn their keys, push their buttons, and jump up and celebrate as the warheads launch towards North Korea. Finally, Kim Jung-un, it is put up or shut up time. No, no, not really.

They turn their keys, push their buttons, and jump up and celebrate as an old woman and a baby appear on their screens.

gamma 1

The woman then appears to have a stroke, making faces and odd clicking sounds at the baby, who seems to take delight in the old woman’s senility. Seriously, the woman seems less like she is trying to amuse the baby and more like she is sucking a lemon seed through a straw.

gamma 2

If this kid could talk he'd be calling 911.

If this kid could talk he’d be calling 911.

The voice-over comes on and asks “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with Gamma?” Before you can say “how the heck do I know?” the voice-over answers “yes we did.”

Ah gotcha, they developed a high-tech system so you can do whatever you want, even terrorize your grandkid. Nice. Cool. WAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

Who is this ad aimed at? “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with Gamma?” Listen to the commercial, he emphasizes you. He’s talking to you.
So who is Gamma? I, and everyone else, assumes that Gamma is the old woman, Gamma being a cutesy way of saying Grandma.

So the voiceover is saying “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with your grandmother?”

The kid. They are talking to the kid. Optimum is telling all the babies in the audience, all the babies who pay their household’s cable bills, to switch to Optimum so they can see funny faces from grandma. This commercial is directed at infants.

Did Optimum really make a commercial for the babies who pay internet bills demographic?
The question is Imponderable.

 

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Imponderable #126: That Guy On The Radio Is Trying To Kill Me

11 May

May 11, 2015

Imagine this. You’re driving along and you hear the text message sound on your phone. You look at it but there’s no message. Then a voice on the radio says “Did you just look at your phone?” And the sound plays again and you look down again. Then the voice on the radio says “You did it again, didn’t you?”

That actually happened to me.

It was a public service announcement about the dangers of texting and driving. This is a real psa that is currently airing here in New York, maybe where you are too. It goes on to warn you that an average text takes your eyes off the road for five seconds and that it is dangerous to text and drive.

Well, OK, true, so why did they play the sound not once but twice? That was twice I could have been tempted to look away from the road. I didn’t look at my phone, and maybe you wouldn’t either, but I am sure there are teenagers who are so addicted to their phones that they looked down both times. Is it worth the risk if even one person was fooled into thinking it was real? And did I say they played the sound twice? In a 30 second commercial they played the dangerous sound a ridiculous 5 times. It’s like they are trying to goad people into a wreck.

What are they thinking? Would they hand people a loaded gun and encourage them to play Russian Roulette?

The question is Imponderable.

You can hear the dangerous ad for yourself right here, courtesy of the Ad Council. Please don’t listen in the car. https://www.psacentral.org/campaign/Texting_and_Driving_Prevention/asset/Look_Down/13971

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