Advertisements
Tag Archives: technology

Mom Loves Netflix

30 Jan

January 30, 2018

I was spending a nice evening at home with my mother, I wrote, knowing that she may read this. It was a Saturday night but hey- do I have anything better to do? No I do not.

We were watching TV. More accurately, we were not watching TV. It was on but I was at the computer where I may have been one of the last humans on the planet to finally see an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. It stars some Jerry Seinfeld fella you may have heard of. Mom was reading the newspaper.

Reading the daily newspaper is a lost art, one that frankly deserves to be lost. Think about it. The paper gets printed in the morning, full of stories written about news the night before. It gets bought in the late morning then sits around until afternoon or evening. By the time you read about a bank robbery, the crooks have already been caught and are planning their escape. Many is the time, and this is true, I’ve said to Mom “wow that was some horrible tragedy yesterday” and she’d say “yeah, the Mets lost again.” Meanwhile I was talking about the latest natural disaster in which 287 Sumatrans died when their village was flattened by a hurricane.

But the plight of the poor Sumatrans is not what we’re talking about here. (Honestly, I say if you can’t stand the heat, get out of Sumatra.) It is the sorry state of television. There was nothing worth watching on TV that night, unless you want to see the 697th rerun of The Big Bang Theory where Walowitz gets shot into space, or an episode of Redneck House Flippers Live!

I asked Mom if maybe there was something she wanted to see on Netflix. She said that Netflix has all those good TV shows she’s been dying to see. How long has she been dying to see them? For about eight years, which is also about how long she has had Netflix. (In case you haven’t figured it out yet, she has no idea how to access Netflix. “What time is the Netflix on? Does it come on after Judge Judy?”)

Well this was her big chance because I actually know which button to press to get Netflix. HINT: It is the same button you press to get everything else. So, Mom, what should we sit down and watch?

“I want to see Orange is the New Black.”

 I was thinking more in the line of the new Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Me to Mom: “You want us to watch a show about women getting beat up and sexually assaulted in prison?”
Mom: “I heard it was good.”

So I did what any good son would do. I watched another episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (guest: Joel Hodgeson) while Mom watched Walowitz getting shot into space.

 

.

Advertisements

Imponderable #129: Who is Gamma?

5 Mar

March 5, 2016

Optimum is an internet/TV/phone company that routinely gives me such lousy service that I often have to write Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride from the gas station down the street. (And it shows- the Editors.)

They are running very annoying commercials at all hours of the day touting their excellent service. Ironically, their service is so bad I can only see those commercials when I am at the home of anyone else with better internet. Or at the gas station. I get better service stealing the gas station unsecured Wi-Fi than I do at home from Optimum.

The commercial begins with very serious-seeming people working on very serious-seeming stuff in a very serious setting that looks like NASA in every film you have ever seen.

The real NASA has technology about two decades older. That's true.

The real NASA has technology about two decades older. That’s true.

How serious is this? It is so serious that these people have their fingers on the nuclear button! We’re through the looking glass, people.

gamma 0

Finally, they intone “Gamma is a go. Go for Gamma.” They turn their keys, push their buttons, and jump up and celebrate as the warheads launch towards North Korea. Finally, Kim Jung-un, it is put up or shut up time. No, no, not really.

They turn their keys, push their buttons, and jump up and celebrate as an old woman and a baby appear on their screens.

gamma 1

The woman then appears to have a stroke, making faces and odd clicking sounds at the baby, who seems to take delight in the old woman’s senility. Seriously, the woman seems less like she is trying to amuse the baby and more like she is sucking a lemon seed through a straw.

gamma 2

If this kid could talk he'd be calling 911.

If this kid could talk he’d be calling 911.

The voice-over comes on and asks “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with Gamma?” Before you can say “how the heck do I know?” the voice-over answers “yes we did.”

Ah gotcha, they developed a high-tech system so you can do whatever you want, even terrorize your grandkid. Nice. Cool. WAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

Who is this ad aimed at? “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with Gamma?” Listen to the commercial, he emphasizes you. He’s talking to you.
So who is Gamma? I, and everyone else, assumes that Gamma is the old woman, Gamma being a cutesy way of saying Grandma.

So the voiceover is saying “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with your grandmother?”

The kid. They are talking to the kid. Optimum is telling all the babies in the audience, all the babies who pay their household’s cable bills, to switch to Optimum so they can see funny faces from grandma. This commercial is directed at infants.

Did Optimum really make a commercial for the babies who pay internet bills demographic?
The question is Imponderable.

 

.

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: