Tag Archives: internet

I Answer Google’s Insane Job Interview Questions

5 Dec

December 5, 2016

Google sounds like a great place to work. But how hard is it to get a job there? Until recently, Google interviewers asked applicants a series of ridiculous and inane questions to, well, um… OK, I really have no clue what the point of these interrogations was. But here, from IFLScience, are some of the unbelievable questions Google is now banned from asking, and my answers. It is my opinion that they were never actually interested in the answers, but wanted see how fast, creative, and intelligent the applicants were.

iflscience

How many golf balls can fit in a school bus?
That depends on how many I can fit in my pockets without the clerk in the pro shop catching me.

Explain the significance of “dead beef.”
That’s a mafia expression. It means that the “beef,” or dispute, is “dead,” or finished, since both guys got whacked.

How many piano tuners are there in the entire world?
Only one, but he’s the best.

You’re the captain of a pirate ship… and your crew gets to vote on how the gold is divided up. If fewer than half of the pirates agree with you, you die. How do you recommend apportioning the gold in such a way that you get a good share of the booty, but still survive?
I’d give them the bulk- 3/4 of the loot and a pep talk about how they deserve it, how hard they work, yada yada yada. They’d have to split the gold between 15 or 20 guys, and my 1/4 would still be a heck of a lot more than anyone else has.

pirate

Design an evacuation plan for San Francisco.
Get out!

You are given 2 eggs… You have access to a 100-story building. Eggs can be very hard or very fragile means it may break if dropped from the first floor or may not even break if dropped from 100th floor. Both eggs are identical. You need to figure out the highest floor of a 100-story building an egg can be dropped without breaking. The question is how many drops you need to make. You are allowed to break 2 eggs in the process.
I am sorry but I cannot answer this question since I am allergic to eggs.

How much should you charge to wash all the windows in Seattle?
$10,000 per window because I really don’t want the job. But if anyone is silly enough to hire me, I’d happily wash windows at that rate.

There are more. Now It’s your turn. How would you answer these?

Explain a database in three sentences to your eight-year-old nephew.

You are shrunk to the height of a nickel… and your mass is proportionally reduced so as to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?

You have eight balls all of the same size… 7 of them weigh the same, and one of them weighs slightly more. How can you find the ball that is heavier by using a balance and only two weighings?

A man pushed his car to a hotel and lost his fortune. What happened?

How many times a day does a clock’s hands overlap?

You need to check that your friend, Bob, has your correct phone number…but you cannot ask him directly. You must write the question on a card which and give it to Eve who will take the card to Bob and return the answer to you. What must you write on the card, besides the question, to ensure Bob can encode the message so that Eve cannot read your phone number?

Why are manhole covers round?

 

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Imponderable #129: Who is Gamma?

5 Mar

March 5, 2016

Optimum is an internet/TV/phone company that routinely gives me such lousy service that I often have to write Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride from the gas station down the street. (And it shows- the Editors.)

They are running very annoying commercials at all hours of the day touting their excellent service. Ironically, their service is so bad I can only see those commercials when I am at the home of anyone else with better internet. Or at the gas station. I get better service stealing the gas station unsecured Wi-Fi than I do at home from Optimum.

The commercial begins with very serious-seeming people working on very serious-seeming stuff in a very serious setting that looks like NASA in every film you have ever seen.

The real NASA has technology about two decades older. That's true.

The real NASA has technology about two decades older. That’s true.

How serious is this? It is so serious that these people have their fingers on the nuclear button! We’re through the looking glass, people.

gamma 0

Finally, they intone “Gamma is a go. Go for Gamma.” They turn their keys, push their buttons, and jump up and celebrate as the warheads launch towards North Korea. Finally, Kim Jung-un, it is put up or shut up time. No, no, not really.

They turn their keys, push their buttons, and jump up and celebrate as an old woman and a baby appear on their screens.

gamma 1

The woman then appears to have a stroke, making faces and odd clicking sounds at the baby, who seems to take delight in the old woman’s senility. Seriously, the woman seems less like she is trying to amuse the baby and more like she is sucking a lemon seed through a straw.

gamma 2

If this kid could talk he'd be calling 911.

If this kid could talk he’d be calling 911.

The voice-over comes on and asks “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with Gamma?” Before you can say “how the heck do I know?” the voice-over answers “yes we did.”

Ah gotcha, they developed a high-tech system so you can do whatever you want, even terrorize your grandkid. Nice. Cool. WAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

Who is this ad aimed at? “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with Gamma?” Listen to the commercial, he emphasizes you. He’s talking to you.
So who is Gamma? I, and everyone else, assumes that Gamma is the old woman, Gamma being a cutesy way of saying Grandma.

So the voiceover is saying “Did we do all that just so you could make silly faces with your grandmother?”

The kid. They are talking to the kid. Optimum is telling all the babies in the audience, all the babies who pay their household’s cable bills, to switch to Optimum so they can see funny faces from grandma. This commercial is directed at infants.

Did Optimum really make a commercial for the babies who pay internet bills demographic?
The question is Imponderable.

 

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