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I Answer Google’s Insane Job Interview Questions

5 Dec

December 5, 2016

Google sounds like a great place to work. But how hard is it to get a job there? Until recently, Google interviewers asked applicants a series of ridiculous and inane questions to, well, um… OK, I really have no clue what the point of these interrogations was. But here, from IFLScience, are some of the unbelievable questions Google is now banned from asking, and my answers. It is my opinion that they were never actually interested in the answers, but wanted see how fast, creative, and intelligent the applicants were.

iflscience

How many golf balls can fit in a school bus?
That depends on how many I can fit in my pockets without the clerk in the pro shop catching me.

Explain the significance of “dead beef.”
That’s a mafia expression. It means that the “beef,” or dispute, is “dead,” or finished, since both guys got whacked.

How many piano tuners are there in the entire world?
Only one, but he’s the best.

You’re the captain of a pirate ship… and your crew gets to vote on how the gold is divided up. If fewer than half of the pirates agree with you, you die. How do you recommend apportioning the gold in such a way that you get a good share of the booty, but still survive?
I’d give them the bulk- 3/4 of the loot and a pep talk about how they deserve it, how hard they work, yada yada yada. They’d have to split the gold between 15 or 20 guys, and my 1/4 would still be a heck of a lot more than anyone else has.

pirate

Design an evacuation plan for San Francisco.
Get out!

You are given 2 eggs… You have access to a 100-story building. Eggs can be very hard or very fragile means it may break if dropped from the first floor or may not even break if dropped from 100th floor. Both eggs are identical. You need to figure out the highest floor of a 100-story building an egg can be dropped without breaking. The question is how many drops you need to make. You are allowed to break 2 eggs in the process.
I am sorry but I cannot answer this question since I am allergic to eggs.

How much should you charge to wash all the windows in Seattle?
$10,000 per window because I really don’t want the job. But if anyone is silly enough to hire me, I’d happily wash windows at that rate.

There are more. Now It’s your turn. How would you answer these?

Explain a database in three sentences to your eight-year-old nephew.

You are shrunk to the height of a nickel… and your mass is proportionally reduced so as to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?

You have eight balls all of the same size… 7 of them weigh the same, and one of them weighs slightly more. How can you find the ball that is heavier by using a balance and only two weighings?

A man pushed his car to a hotel and lost his fortune. What happened?

How many times a day does a clock’s hands overlap?

You need to check that your friend, Bob, has your correct phone number…but you cannot ask him directly. You must write the question on a card which and give it to Eve who will take the card to Bob and return the answer to you. What must you write on the card, besides the question, to ensure Bob can encode the message so that Eve cannot read your phone number?

Why are manhole covers round?

 

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What have you been up to, Mr. Blog?

17 Dec Stephen J Cannell

December 17, 2015

I know, I know, I’m sorry. It has been over two weeks since my last post and while I heard the collective sigh of relief (“No new blog today? Good.”) I’ve also gotten lots of questions about my absence. They range from “Hey Mr. Blog, did you finally realize you have no talent?” to “You’re not coming back, are you? Please say no.”

Well, the truth is that I’ve been very, very busy. You see, I’ve been very caught up in some important correspondence with the federal government. Let me give you an example.

Dear Postmaster General

I think I know how to raise the money you need to cover your budget without raising the price of stamps. Why do people today use email to send messages and pay their bills electronically? It has nothing to do with ease and speed. It is all about how yucky your stamps taste. If people liked licking stamps they would use more of them. Just add some cherry flavor and watch sales soar! Kids love sugary snacks. If they start licking stamps, imagine how many they would buy. And kids wouldn’t even use them on letters, they’d lick them like candy! Just think about how you could market this. “Lick my stamps!” comes to mind.

 ————–

Dear “Mr. Blog”:

We are in receipt of your recent letter, as well as the 52 before it. This is the last time you will hear from us. Immediately cease and desist all correspondence with our office or we will be forced to take legal action

Thank You

Stephen J Cannell

And that’s not all. I’ve also joined a focus group. If you’ve ever been vaccinated against European screaming measles or West Nile Death Virus, the chances are they tested it on me. Trust me, the vaccines are perfectly safe. Most of the pustules have gone away already, and nearly all of my hair has grown back. (OK, so it hasn’t grown back in the same place, but it came back.)

But I’ve also been hired to do some professional writing. Unfortunately, I’ve had to use a pen name. Breathless Anticipation Press doesn’t think that Mr. Blog is a good name for an author of erotic science fiction. Here’s an excerpt of my upcoming eBook Lusty Space Maidens of Planet Spicy 7, under the name Thighs Mighty.

Captain Rock Longhard stood before his alien captor, Queen Insatiable of the Firm Bodice. She ran her hands across Rock Longhard’s bare chest. Glittering with sweat and panting breathlessly, she gave him an ultimatum: “Remove your pants or I will remove them for you!” Taking out her leather space whip, she said in a husky voice “Please, resist me!” Longhard licked his lips and took off his pants.

So yeah, I’ve got that going on too. Hey, I’ve got bills to pay.

But the good news is that I haven’t forgotten you, loyal readers. The four of you can rest easy that there are more blogs on the way, sometime. Maybe even before the year is through! Don’t forget, the motto of this blog is Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, which roughly translated means “same Bat time, same Bat channel.”

 

 

 

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