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Tag Archives: assassin

My New Career As An Assassin Starts Now

28 Jun

June 28, 2016

007 blog header

I received this unsolicited email yesterday. It got past my spam filters so it must be legit, right?

info (stina@furumon.lby.se);silvio_escobar@mail.com

Dear candidate,

We have a job in your area and we would like you to participate and complete the assignment.

Job Description :
1. You will receive funds for the task.
2. You will receive instructions for the task you via email in the location and details of the task.
3. You must complete the task as quickly as possible and quietly.

Once you sign up you will access to training materials and consederation.

The assignment will give you $200 per job of 2 assignment a week.

Provide the following information below if you interested:

1. Full Name :___
2  Your Address :___
3. Citys / States / Countrys :___
4. Zip Codes :___
5. Phones :___
6. Ages : .___
7. Gender :___
8. E-Mail :___

Thank you for participation. Your response would be greatly appreciated.

Best Regards,
Kenny Miller
Official Recruitment

There’s no company name and no description of the job. It came from a foreign server and refers to a “task” which must be done “as quickly as possible and quietly.” 

I think they want me to kill someone. I think I am being hired as an assassin.

Career change!

007 blog

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FYI- that’s the real email, with the real sender’s information at the top and the real errors and misspellings. If you are interested in either becoming an assassin or having your identity stolen, contact them at your own risk. Tell ’em Mr. Blog sent ya!

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MURDERCHIMP!

26 Sep

September 26, 2014

Sometimes when I’m writing I have no idea when inspiration will strike. Remember my awesome TV pitch, President Hobo? That would make ABC millions! If only they answer my phone calls. And my movie treatment for Hamsterus! would have made DreamWorks a fortune, if it wasn’t for that restraining order Spielberg put on me.

Well I’ve done it again. There I was, wasting time on some stupid Hollywood Russell story and I realized what an idiot I was. Some guy from the last century named Hollywood? C’mon, his big claim to fame is that he wears a trench coat. Big deal, so did Winston Churchill at the Yalta Conference. Big whoop. I’ve been wasting my time. The public doesn’t want some old mystery dude, they want something new, something modern.

They want MURDERCHIMP!

I haven’t really figured out what a Murderchimp is, but trust me, this is the next BIG THING! I’m so sure it’ll be big that I’ve already written the back cover blurbs to what I know is going to be my bestselling idea. And it may not even be a book! I have no idea, but this has to be good, I can feel it!

MURDERCHIMP!

WHO is MURDERCHIMP?
WHAT is MURDERCHIMP?
WHEN is MURDERCHIMP?
WHERE is MURDERCHIMP?
WHY is MURDERCHIMP?
HOW is MURDERCHIMP?

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MURDERCHIMP is the international assassin for hire. He works only for the highest bidders of the highest bidders who can bid even higher!

MURDERCHIMP is the high-flying, tuxedo-wearing, blood-letting, roller-skate traveling, internationally known assassin loved by women the world over and feared by men the world over!

MURDERCHIMP can scale walls, climb trees, eat bananas, and make love in 347 different positions!

MURDERCHIMP! The only chimp/assassin/jet-setter/Blaxploitation hero you’ll ever need!

MURDERCHIMP! Is always capitalized and never marginalized!

CELEBRITY KUDOS FOR MURDERCHIMP!

“It was Murderchimp, Sam!” – Jack Klugman

“I’ll never forget Murderchimp.” – Mohammed Ali

“If only we had Murderchimp to stop ISIL.” – President Obama, before Congress

This is going to be awesome! So what if Jack Klugman is dead, he’d LOVE MURDERCHIMP! So whatever MURDERCHIMP turns out to be- a book, bedsheets, contraceptive, whatever- rush out and buy seven or eight! Trust me, you’ll love it, and I’ll love the cash!

 

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