Tag Archives: Hamsterus

Billy and The Dead Meat

25 Jun

June 25, 2016

Are you ready? I’ve got another GREAT idea! I know I have a pretty bad track record at great ideas. My last great movie idea was Hamsterus! Remember that? The touching story of a young boy and his giant radioactive hamster. I tried to get that filmed but there were several roadblocks in my way, such as lack of talent. But I’ve got another AWESOME MOVIE IDEA!

Are you listening, Hollywood? Good.

Mystery is played out. Love stories? Yesterday’s news. How about a good old fashioned Western? Nah. And sci-fi? Unless your name is Mr. Star Wars, tough luck. But I’ve got it.

There hasn’t been a really good stoner film since Seth Rogan and James Franco put out whatever their last piece of crap was. So what we need is a really hysterical stoner comedy. Pot is funny! And that’s what I’ve got in mind. If anyone is going to make stoner movies great again, I will. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

Yes, I am determined to use a bunch of my old logos in this post.

Yes, I am determined to use a bunch of my old logos in this post.

BILLY AND THE DEAD MEAT!

I can hear you now! “Mr. Blog, that sounds amazing! We can’t wait to see your new movie, Billy and The Dead Meat. We love you! We want to have sex with you! Sell me a dozen tickets right now for a ridiculous price! We will pay anything!”

Yeah! I will be happy to take your money! (The sex thing? Not so much, for most of you. Send pictures.) But I think I should probably tell you a little bit more about this incredible film that will totally change your life and make me rich.

See?

See?

Billy is your typical teenage pot smoker. Now I don’t smoke pot and have no idea what teenagers are into nowadays (is Tokyo Drift still a thing?) but hey, how hard is it write a stoner? He smokes, forgets things, falls down and eats a lot.

He is best friends with The Dead Meat. He’s a stoner too but get this! He’s an old man. Think about it! An old man with the munchies! An old man selling pot on the street corner. HA! Old men don’t do that so it’s funny! Maybe I can throw in a medicinal marijuana joke and make it topical. It’ll be great!

Pot! Stoners! A guy called The Dead Meat! The plot? It writes itself! It writes itself so much that I’m not going to worry about writing it right now. I’m sure it won’t be too hard. I’ve got a great title. What more do I need?

All good movies start off with great movie posters.

All good movies start off with great movie posters.

 

 

 

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This Has To Be It! My Amazing Comic Book Idea

2 Jun

June 2, 2015

OK, I admit that I’ve had a, um, spotty track record in finding the Next Big Thing. I had no idea it would this hard to become the next Hollywood superstar producer/writer/director.

Let’s look back at my previous attempts at fame and glory but more importantly, fortune.

  • The sci-fi family epic Hamsterus! To this day I am not allowed within 100 feet of DreamWorks studios. What’s wrong with a touching film about the love between a young boy and his giant radioactive hamster? The last 35 times I asked Steven Spielberg all he said was “I have a restraining order against you!”
  • President Hobo. Wouldn’t a show about a homeless President be perfect for prime time? Even BET turned that one down.
  • Murderchimp. That was something or other about some kind of chimpanzee assassin. I’m not really sure what that was all about, but I did manage to get a rejection slip from every publisher in the English speaking world. And that includes even the self-publishing places. Here’s a direct quote from Kindle Self-Publishing: “Screw you and your stupid monkey.” For the record, Kindle Self-Publishing, Murderchimp isn’t a monkey, he is a chimp.
  • El Kabong was my idea to revive old time radio. It starred an invisible crime fighter who smashed guitars over criminal’s heads. Nobody was willing to buy it. No wonder radio is dying.

Well, that just leaves comic books, and I think that I have the perfect idea for a killer comic. And I plan to both write and draw it, despite having little talent at one and no talent at the other.

Here’s my pitch for…..

Dr. Ghost Zombie!

Doctor Bruin Z. Othello was your typical brain surgeon. He had money, fame, women, fancy jets, expensive cars, designer clothes, mansions in every city, his own fleet of ships, a pair of airlines, a pet puma and even a permanent apartment in the White House. Then one day as he was walking home from a charity Faberge Egg painting contest, he was fatally gunned down when he tried to stop a robbery in a bodega on the wrong side of the tracks.

Not wanting to go to Heaven, he stayed on Earth and fought crime as a poltergeist. However, one day, his arch-nemesis, The Doom Vulture, resurrected Doctor Bruin Z. Othello’s body as a zombie. Ghost Othello battled his own undead body until he was able to possess it and reclaim his physical form.

Now reunited and back among the living, sort of, Dr. Othello fights crime as the 2-in-1 crime fighter. When necessary, he can leave his body and fight as both a ghost and a zombie. The only drawback is that his body is still rotting, but the brilliant doctor is working on a cure.

There it is. What do you think? I am going to be famous!

ghost zombie 1

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