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MURDERCHIMP!

26 Sep

September 26, 2014

Sometimes when I’m writing I have no idea when inspiration will strike. Remember my awesome TV pitch, President Hobo? That would make ABC millions! If only they answer my phone calls. And my movie treatment for Hamsterus! would have made DreamWorks a fortune, if it wasn’t for that restraining order Spielberg put on me.

Well I’ve done it again. There I was, wasting time on some stupid Hollywood Russell story and I realized what an idiot I was. Some guy from the last century named Hollywood? C’mon, his big claim to fame is that he wears a trench coat. Big deal, so did Winston Churchill at the Yalta Conference. Big whoop. I’ve been wasting my time. The public doesn’t want some old mystery dude, they want something new, something modern.

They want MURDERCHIMP!

I haven’t really figured out what a Murderchimp is, but trust me, this is the next BIG THING! I’m so sure it’ll be big that I’ve already written the back cover blurbs to what I know is going to be my bestselling idea. And it may not even be a book! I have no idea, but this has to be good, I can feel it!

MURDERCHIMP!

WHO is MURDERCHIMP?
WHAT is MURDERCHIMP?
WHEN is MURDERCHIMP?
WHERE is MURDERCHIMP?
WHY is MURDERCHIMP?
HOW is MURDERCHIMP?

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MURDERCHIMP is the international assassin for hire. He works only for the highest bidders of the highest bidders who can bid even higher!

MURDERCHIMP is the high-flying, tuxedo-wearing, blood-letting, roller-skate traveling, internationally known assassin loved by women the world over and feared by men the world over!

MURDERCHIMP can scale walls, climb trees, eat bananas, and make love in 347 different positions!

MURDERCHIMP! The only chimp/assassin/jet-setter/Blaxploitation hero you’ll ever need!

MURDERCHIMP! Is always capitalized and never marginalized!

CELEBRITY KUDOS FOR MURDERCHIMP!

“It was Murderchimp, Sam!” – Jack Klugman

“I’ll never forget Murderchimp.” – Mohammed Ali

“If only we had Murderchimp to stop ISIL.” – President Obama, before Congress

This is going to be awesome! So what if Jack Klugman is dead, he’d LOVE MURDERCHIMP! So whatever MURDERCHIMP turns out to be- a book, bedsheets, contraceptive, whatever- rush out and buy seven or eight! Trust me, you’ll love it, and I’ll love the cash!

 

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6 Responses to “MURDERCHIMP!”

  1. Matt Cowan September 26, 2014 at 6:33 am #

    Sounds like a hit!

    Like

    • bmj2k September 26, 2014 at 8:04 am #

      It will be, once I figure out what it will be! But I already have the merchandising all figured out- Murderchimp play sets, pajamas, and laxatives! (Just in cased Murderchimp turns out to be some sort of medication.)

      Like

  2. T E Stazyk September 27, 2014 at 3:54 pm #

    I’m behind you 1000% and want the franchise on the McDonalds Happy Meal toys!

    Like

    • bmj2k September 27, 2014 at 5:52 pm #

      Happy Meal toys, senior citizen walkers, whatever it turns out to be!

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. This Is The Next Big Thing! | Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - February 17, 2015

    […] fit with Scandal or Criminal Minds? For some reason no one else thought so. I even shopped around Murderchimp. I still don’t know what exactly I had planned for it, or even what a […]

    Like

  2. This Has To Be It! My Amazing Comic Book Idea | Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - June 2, 2015

    […] Murderchimp. That was something or other about some kind of chimpanzee assassin. I’m not really sure what that was all about, but I did manage to get a rejection slip from every publisher in the English speaking world. And that includes even the self-publishing places. Here’s a direct quote from Kindle Self-Publishing: “Screw you and your stupid monkey.” For the record, Kindle Self-Publishing, Murderchimp isn’t a monkey, he is a chimp. […]

    Like

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