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Retail Re-tales

29 Nov

November 29, 2018

With Black Friday behind us, I certainly hope you all got your, um, whatever the big thing is this year. As far as I can tell, there is no big hot toy or must have item this season. And that’s a real shame. I’m old enough to remember when people were stabbing each other in the backs to get a Cabbage Patch doll or Colecovision. Shopping today just isn’t the same without the threat of premeditated homicide in the checkout line.

But I am old enough to remember back in the 90’s when the retail industry got together and tried to change the image of Black Friday.

For some reason, probably the threat of premeditated homicide I mentioned above, the Big Retail Companies™ felt that Black Friday had a negative connotation. Long lines, crowds, sold out items, murder, etc, so they tried to change the name. Now back then retail was a different beast than we have now. People weren’t shopping online like today, and the stores were different too. People bought clothes at places like Chess King and Merry-Go-Round and shopped in huge department stores like Bamberger’s and Korvette’s. Where are these titans of industry today? Long gone and buried. And it’s no surprise given that these are the folks who tried to change the name of Black Friday to Green Friday.

BAM!-Berger’s!

Yup, Green Friday.

Today that sounds like an environmental message: Go Green This Friday With Recycled Shoelaces! Reduce Your Carbon Footprint By Flying Pantsless This Friday! and yes, it sounded that way back in the 90’s too. But they weren’t thinking of green grass, but of green money. All the green green cash that would be flooding their registers. So to stop people from thinking about long lines and stab wounds, they tried to get people to associate the day after Thanksgiving with Green Friday.

And you know what?

Nobody gave a damn.

And that is why we still call it Black Friday today.

Ah, tradition.

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Hello Happy To Read Consumer! New Selection of 2018!

8 Jan

January 8, 2018

Who doesn’t like cheesy Japanese toys? And who doesn’t love the awful translations that come with them? 

Hello happy to read consumer! As year of the new 2018 twelve months begin, it is our honor most humble and specialized that we produce our New Selection for you to investigate and think of.

Market Research team work overtime at desks of night to know what is and could have been the item that all want of all ages. Gorillas! Supers Hero! Magic and Ninja! Packaging! Of these we choose and pick choice of selection most wondrous to sell in profit centers of commerce in your town and prefecture.

BEHOLD THE NEW!

UNIVERSAL HERO VS. SUPER GORILLA 

universal hero vs super gorilla 1

Allow children to be zoo keeper of SUPER GORILLA and play with simian lust and urge! Picture on package nearly match toy! SUPER!

To be clear of fact, child must be tall or larger age to play with. Four UNIVERSAL HERO OF UNIVERSE have swords to play, some with cape too, no wash?

Gather flock to store and market to purchase UNIVERSAL HERO VS. SUPER GORILLA. It is sure to be the diamond of jewel in your collection of toys in the forthcoming weather. 

 

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